


What it Means to be Human

by amporasbitch



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Fluff, M/M, Minor Character Death, POV Second Person, Slow Burn, also ish, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-03-29 11:38:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3894967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amporasbitch/pseuds/amporasbitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You have always assumed that you aren’t human, for various reasons. But you never considered the possibility of becoming human as opposed to being born that way. Ryuuhou makes you consider a lot of things; many of them good, but not all, as you’ll come to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy DMMD Rare Pair Week! I didn't originally write this for this week but it sure helped me get more of it done! This first chapter isn't all that shippy, but that stuff takes time, doesn't it? :p So have the beginning of this super self-indulgent mess! That's all I can really say to introduce this lmao. I hope you like ;w;

The first time you see Ryuuhou is when Toue introduces the man to yourself and Trip.

You are somewhat familiar with the name, given that the man is well-known for his beautiful, intricate tattoos. Ryuuhou, according to Toue, is more than some famous tattoo artist, however. He has assisted in the development and testing of the special ink used by Morphine to control people’s minds. The new knowledge had brings a grin to your face. You are no stranger to the concept of someone being more than meets the eye. After all, you’d already seen Aoba’s other side, a long time ago. No one could ever suspect the other man had a being like Sly Blue hidden inside him.

Toue explains that your paths will cross fairly often considering the nature of your work, and that you might even be asked to collaborate in the future.

“I hope we get along, Virus-san,” Ryuuhou says, bowing politely.

As you and Trip express similar sentiments, you take in everything you see about Ryuuhou. As you are want to do, of course, whenever you met someone new. There is a lot of information to be gained from someone’s appearance, and you are good at deciphering it.

Ryuuhou’s appearance is benign enough, aside from the skulls adorning his wrists, waist, and neck. Even with those morbid accessories, the way he carries himself might keep him from arousing suspicion in someone more trusting than you are. He has a handsome face, for his eyes are sharp and foxlike, but his default expression is calmness, maybe even contentment. His smile looks kind, and his voice sounds pleasing. Not quite as much as Aoba’s, of course, but Aoba has a bit of an unfair advantage, given that his tone had been specifically engineered to please. You are not unsurprised to find an ordinary person with a vocal cadence to rival Aoba’s.

It’s interesting to you how Ryuuhou has this side to him, the side separate from the famous tattoo artist, in his own persona. One could argue that Aoba only had the one part to him, and that Sly Blue was someone different altogether. They’d be wrong, of course, but the argument could be made. Ryuuhou needed no other being crowding his mind. He has his polite demeanor and his soft smile representing the one side, and his skulls and his foxlike face representing the other. His honey-sweet voice bridges the gap between them, making the distinct one thing that is Ryuuhou.

Yes, Ryuuhou is interesting, alright.

You rather like interesting people.

~~~

The first time you dream about Ryuuhou is that night, and it catches you by surprise. You very rarely dream, and when you do, the images are hazy, blurred, indistinct things you forget by morning. Your dreams aren’t normally as clear as this one, and normally don’t feature people you know.

But you find yourself wandering through a dark, foggy forest, and a strange feeling in your gut tells you that Ryuuhou is there, and that you have to find him. You don’t question that notion, for the strange logic that exists in dreams acts to make you believe that this is normal. If not normal, then necessary.

You find him quickly. He’s not facing you, and you only see his back. But you don’t say anything, inherently knowing that he can already sense your presence. He turns slowly to you, and once he sees you, flashes a smile.

“Virus-san, so good of you to come!” Ryuuhou exclaims. He says it like he knew you were coming beforehand, but is happy to see you regardless.

“Of course I came.” You reply, your mouth acting ahead of your brain, following Ryuuhou’s tone. It startles you a little to realize that Ryuuhou is indisputably in control. Control is not something you’re used to losing. The uncomfortableness half-rouses you into lucidity, because why aren’t you controlling this situation, this is _your_ dream, isn’t it?

“I have a question for you, Virus-san, if you don’t mind.” Ryuuhou begins, his smile becoming a grin.

“What is it?” You answer. Ryuuhou tilts his head, almost playfully.

“Are you human, Virus?”

Despite the oddness of the question (and the lack of an honorific to your name for that matter), you reply immediately and without hesitation.

“No.”

You don’t think you’re human. Not in any profound way, or any way that makes you superior to those who are human. But you aren’t human. Humans are capable of experiencing fierce hatred, passionate love, devastating grief, and simple empathy. You are not familiar with these emotions at all. You feel annoyance, but not hatred. You feel agreeableness, but not love. You feel displeasure, but not grief. Even things like joy are strange to you, for you only experience them in twisted and abnormal ways. If you do feel anything pure and humanlike, it’s only for a moment, and always insincere. You’ll think “oh, poor you,” when you’ve hurt someone, and you might even say it out loud, but you never mean it. People who are human are softer and weaker than you ever were, but they also have experiences that you never will. Either way, very rarely are they worth your time. People like Aoba and Sei are exceptions, and too, one could say that Aoba was inhuman when he was Sly Blue, and that Sei is losing his humanity little by little every day.

You are not like them. That is not good or bad, or better or worse. It simply is.

Ryuuhou seems satisfied with your answer.

“Now, another question.” He says, staring at you intently, as if he’s trying to see right through you. “Am I human?”

Of course he is…But is he? In your half-lucid state you recall faint traces of earlier, when you first met him, and the inkling of his persona that you got. You remember thinking that he has two sides to him. One is the public tattoo artist, and one is…the side that led him here, developing mind-control ink and working alongside Toue. What else do you know about that side of him? The politeness he showed you today, his kindly smiles…those were fragments of his falser persona. You _know_ his other side exists, you wouldn’t have met him if it didn’t, but you don’t know what constitutes it. Whether he meant to or not, Ryuuhou tricked you. That, or you overestimated your own deductive power. You thought and still think that he’s an interesting person, but you don’t understand that part of him that makes him interesting.

You have that feeling again that you’ve lost control. You’re unable to remind yourself that this is a dream, because this part of it is not.

“I don’t know.” You answer Ryuuhou’s question honestly.

He _giggles_ , a bizarre yet pleasant sound.

“Is that so?” He murmurs. He lifts his head back up from its tilt, and suddenly his smile looks different. His teeth are much sharper, pointed, like the teeth of a fox.

You wake up then, freeing yourself from that strange dream. You don’t let yourself call it a nightmare.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virus continues to be confused by Ryuuhou, even as he continues to run into him. Ryuuhou doesn't seem to notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was honestly surprised that this fic got ANY response at all, so thanks to those who checked it out and extra thanks to those who gave kudos and bookmarks!! ;w; This chapter, as promised, is longer and shippier than the first chapter, so you'll probably like it a bit more. I guess we'll see :>

The first time you see Ryuuhou when he’s alone isn’t very long after your first meeting (and consequently, not very long after your dream). You aren’t alone, however. You’re with Trip, the two of you heading home after visiting Sei.

“Ah, hello there, Virus-san, Trip-san.” Ryuuhou greets you both, smiling just as he’d done when he first met you. “I didn’t realize you were here as well.”

“We were visiting Sei-san.” You answer.

“Have you met him?” Trip asks.

“Unfortunately, I haven’t had the pleasure.” Ryuuhou answers, his smile widening. “But Toue-san talks about him quite often. He seems very interesting.”

“He is.” You reply. You see Trip smirk out of the corner of your eye. You might have smirked as well, if you were feeling so inclined. Ryuuhou had used that magic word, “interesting,” almost as if he knew that it was a magic word, if his foxlike grin had anything to say about it. You half-expect his teeth to morph into sharp fangs like they did in your dream.

How much does Ryuuhou know about the two of you, really? Is he like you, analyzing every facet of your movements, appearance, and speech? Ryuuhou tilts his head, both looking more and more like a fox and reminding you more and more of your dream every second.

“I’ve been wondering, if this isn’t too forward of a question.” Ryuuhou begins. You nearly _flinch_ , and almost wonder if Ryuuhou can read your mind and is deliberately teasing you. “You two look so alike, and act so alike as well…are you twins?”

“We’re not twins.” You answer, in the same instant Trip does.

Ryuuhou closes his dark eyes mirthfully, his smile ever-present. If he was less polite, perhaps he might have chuckled (or giggled, like in that godforsaken dream…).

“Sorry, my mistake.” He apologizes, an edge of laughter to his voice. Is he amused, then, by your and Trip’s annoyance? Perhaps he is. He wouldn’t be the first person to be amused by you and Trip’s vehement insistence that you aren’t twins. Most people aren’t nearly as good at hiding their amusement as Ryuuhou is, however.

“What is Sei-san like?” Ryuuhou suddenly asks, straightening his head. “I’m very curious about him, what with how often Toue-san speaks of him.”

“He’s…” Trip begins.                                                             

“Interesting.” You finish. “As you said.”

Just like that, Ryuuhou’s head tilts again. His smile is muted, and you feel Trip giving you a look. But Trip surely understands. Sei is special. Nearly as special as Aoba. You can’t just share everything about him with Ryuuhou, someone who’s mostly unknown to you. Sei is too precious for that. Ryuuhou, despite his involvement in Morphine’s tattoo ink, is a newcomer to this circle. You can’t very well tell him all the secrets of this place.

If you were the type to allow your emotions to swirl through your mind instead of stay in one place until called upon, you might decide that another reason for your hesitance towards telling Ryuuhou about Sei was your own misgivings about Ryuuhou himself, the ones that your mysterious dream brought to light. Interesting though he is, he’s interesting in a way much unlike Aoba or Sei. The two brothers are easy to study, easy to figure out. It doesn’t make them any less interesting to know what they’re made of, it only makes that interest easy to work with. You can work with difficulty, but you prefer ease. Even if the ease comes with much work, you still want ease. Easiness allows for control, and Ryuuhou is not the easy kind of interesting. You’d met plenty of others while working with Toue, but the very few interesting ones were easily deciphered. They’re still interesting, when you choose to think of them. But you rarely choose to think of them when you have Aoba and Sei to think about. But Ryuuhou, so far, is unknown to you. You’ve never needed more than one meeting to figure a person out before.

The first time you met him, his interestingness intrigued you. Now it unnerves you, and you aren’t used to the feeling. The more rational part of you is insisting that you’re overreacting about all this, and that the dream was just that, a dream. Nothing to be taken seriously. But somehow you can’t help but be on edge.

After a few more lines of conversation that you barely listen to, you and Trip are back on your way out of Oval Tower. Trip asks you what’s wrong, and you tell him that there’s nothing wrong, as convincingly as is needed to assure Trip. You’re still thinking about Ryuuhou, though.

You are nothing if not a problem-solver, and you understand that the only way to solve this problem is to learn about Ryuuhou. Make him less mysterious. Once you know him, the interestingness will become easy like you want it to be, and you’ll be able to shirk that unfamiliar emotion of anxiety.

Foxes may be wily, but so are you.

~~~

The first time you see Ryuuhou alone while you also are alone comes about a week after the previous meeting, when you see him as you’re traversing the Flame Willow district of Platinum Jail. You see it as a good opportunity to understand the other man better, and begin to decode his strange persona. Literally, you see that Ryuuhou has an accessory he’s never had with him previously: a blue parasol. Ryuuhou greets you first.

“Virus-san! I didn’t expect to see you here!” Ryuuhou exclaims, sounding almost delighted. Odd, considering you’ve only seen each other twice before. More unwanted confusion.

“I could say the same to you, Ryuuhou-san.” You reply, sedately.

“Ah, I suppose you wouldn’t know.” Ryuuhou murmurs, his tell-tale grin appearing. “I actually live here, Virus-san.”

It’s definitely something you didn’t know before, but you don’t have much time to think about it. You can see Ryuuhou’s eyes shifting to look past you, over your shoulders, and you’ve seen that behavior in enough people to know what he’s going to say next.

“Trip isn’t with you?” He asks, just as you knew he would. It gives you a bizarre sort of comfort to know that he’s not completely mysterious (this being part of the reason you don’t see yourself as human; you gain comfort from such an odd thing as predicting a person’s actions from their behavior).

“No, we don’t need to be attached at the hip.” You reply curtly. No matter how many times you’ve received similar questions when you were alone, they still irritate you. You manage perfectly fine on your own, as does Trip. You’re both adults, after all.

“I see, I see,” Ryuuhou says quickly, as if he’s reassuring you. Before either of you can say anything further, you feel something hit your head.

A tiny yet unmistakable drop of rain. You likely only have a minute or so before it really begins to fall.

“It’s raining,” you sigh in annoyance. “It wasn’t supposed to rain today.” Had you known this would happen you certainly would have been better prepared. The drops, suddenly, begin to fall harder.

“It seems to be a freak downpour,” Ryuuhou muses as the intensity of the rain escalates every second. “Here,” he says, holding out his parasol towards you. “You’ll be soaked in a moment without any protection.”

Given that the rain is already beginning to get you wet, you waste no time in accepting his offer, ducking under his parasol alongside him just as the rain reaches its full power.

“Thank you,” you say, wiping droplets off your shoulders.

“Not a problem, Virus-san.” Ryuuhou answers serenely. He smiles, but without the foxlike edge. His face is kind, almost warm. Your brain twists in confusion, reminding you that you still know so little about who this man really is.

“Where should we go?” Ryuuhou continues. “We can’t stay out in this rain.”

“Where were you going before we ran into each other?” You ask him. If he can be gracious enough to let you use his parasol, you can delay heading home for a while to go where he needs to be.

“Just a little cake shop down the road.” Ryuuhou replies. “To be honest, I have quite the sweet tooth.” His smile seems almost childish.

“Let’s go there, then.” You say. “It’s inside, at least.”

Ryuuhou nods in agreement, and you’re off.

You see other people, similarly unprepared for the sudden downpour as you were, running for cover. Ryuuhou giggles (very much like the giggle he made in that dream that you still haven’t forgotten, but much more pleasant and childlike) as one girl curses in frustration at how her hair has been ruined. You don’t laugh at the others caught in the rain, for you would have been in the same boat as them if Ryuuhou and his parasol had not been there. Moreover, you seem to have a much more minor predicament than the rain but a predicament nonetheless. Normally you walk with your arms at your sides, but right now you have your hands clasped behind your back to keep your arms from accidentally bumping Ryuuhou. The parasol is not a large one, and the two of you are very close together so you can both fit. It’s uncomfortable at best, and downright embarrassing at worst. Judging by Ryuuhou’s seemingly placid nature (“seemingly” being the operative word, for you aren’t sure about his true face yet), you don’t think he’d mind overmuch if your arm accidentally bumped his. You aren’t sure if that makes you feel better or not.

You’re vaguely surprised when the cake shop that Ryuuhou stops in front of is the same one that Trip has both brought treats home from and dragged you into many a time. Apparently it shows on your face, because Ryuuhou glances at you before he opens the door to enter.

“Have you been here before?” He asks pleasantly.

“Yes, Trip likes this place.” You reply, leaving it at that.

“Is that so?” Ryuuhou remarks, laughter in his voice. “I wonder if we like the same things.”

You doubt they do. Trip is a very simple person, and he likes simple things. Ryuuhou is not simple. But you say nothing.

He opens the door and lets you in first, since you don’t have the parasol. Once you’re both inside, Ryuuhou closes the parasol and gently shakes off the raindrops. While he’s doing that, you look around. There’s only a few people in the shop, and all of them are soaked. You think they chose the shop to shelter in out of proximity, and decided they might as well have a bite to eat while they wait for the storm to pass.

Since no one else is in line, you and Ryuuhou order right away. Ryuuhou gets a red velvet cupcake, and you decide to get a vanilla one. You don’t care about sweet things the way Trip does, but, much like the other patrons at the shop, you figure you might as well get something.

You sit at a table together, across from each other. For several moments, neither of you speak. The silence is surprisingly amicable, and you aren’t sure why. As anxious as Ryuuhou makes you, it seems that he puts some part of you at ease. It’s beyond confusing, and another reason why you want to figure out Ryuuhou, hopefully soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeuuuurrgh I'm not very happy with how I ended this because I had to cut it off in the middle of the scene so I wouldn't mess up the rhythm of the other chapters BUT that means next chapter is gonna be extra-juicy so please stick around ;w; More kudos, more bookmarks, maybe some comments from you quiet crickets? Who knows, but all are appreciated! See you Thursday!! :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virus finally learns something about Ryuuhou, and he likes what he finds out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw ye now we're gettin to the good stuff ewe This is the part where I flail around in an attempt to get inside Ryuuhou's head (actually I guess it's technically Virus who does that? But with a lot less flailing idk). I should probably just let you read this before I accidentally give away the whole plot of the chapter ahaha ;w; But hey hope y'all enjoy!

“You’re a tattoo artist, correct?” You ask, breaking the silence between you and Ryuuhou. “How did you get involved with Toue? I know that you helped with ink testing, but how did you end up here with him?”

“Ah, well,” Ryuuhou begins, almost humbly, “I suppose he saw something in me. I don’t suppose you know anything about my method of tattooing?”

“Only that it’s not the modern way.” You answer. This is true. You aren’t altogether curious in Ryuuhou’s pedestrian occupation, but you are beginning to wonder of you should be.

“That’s right.” Ryuuhou affirms, grinning. “Sometimes traditional is better. It’s called Tebori. Have you heard of it?”

“No, what is it?” You ask, suddenly very curious.

“It’s said to be the most painful way to get a tattoo,” Ryuuhou begins, his eyes glinting with a strange light, “But it’s also said to create the most beautiful results.” He grins, less like a fox and more like a wolf. “With my experience, I believe both are true.”

You smile. This is what you’ve been looking for.

“Do enjoy causing pain?” You ask, already knowing the answer.

“You can say that.” Ryuuhou says, almost devilishly. “People are good at hiding, you know. Everyone is always hiding something. I try not to, but I’m sure there’s some things that even I hide unconsciously. But no one can hide anything from pain. Pain brings out the true self.” He serenely puts his chin on one hand. “And there is so much beauty in the true self.”

“And the tattoos?” You venture.

“Of course.” Ryuuhou replies, as self-assured as you’ve ever seen him.

So these are his true colors. Love of pain, love of truth, love of beauty, and love of truth and beauty brought by pain.

“I was very happy to get the opportunity to test the ink that Toue gave me.” He goes on, a faraway look taking away some of the dangerous edge in his expression. “It resulted in what is certainly my greatest creation.” His expression sharpens again. “That boy’s true self is unlike anything I’ve ever seen.”

“Boy?” You asks. The thought of a child getting tattooed in such a painful way would make an ordinary person-a human-cringe in disgust and sadness, but as for you, it only deepens your curiosity.

“Yes, he must have been…oh, fourteen, fifteen. Somewhere around there.” Ryuuhou waves his hand dismissively, as if the boy’s age was irrelevant. “Actually,” He says, his face suddenly lighting up, “Perhaps you know of him.”

You ponder for a moment. You’re sure that Ryuuhou, since he knows about Sei, knows about Aoba as well (obviously he there’s no way he knows as much about him as you do, but he knows of him, nonetheless). Was this tattooed person someone Aoba knew, then? Mizuki and Koujaku are both tattooed, you know, but Mizuki only has his Rib teams mark.

“…Koujaku?” You suggest.

Ryuuhou smiles, but is clearly a little put out, as if he expected you to guess correctly but still wanted to surprise you. If you’re being honest with yourself, it’s a rather funny expression.

“Yes.” Ryuuhou says. His eyes darken as his disgruntled expression fades; he evidently still has some secrets to tell. “His true self is incredible. Angry, violent…” He smiles happily. “Murderous.”

You know something of Koujaku’s past. Being a yakuza, you’re privy to all kinds of information. You know exactly what Ryuuhou’s referring to with his choice of words. It’s as if he’s the triumphant criminal, admitting his own evils, and taking pride in the telling of them.

But that’s not it. It’s clear in his face. Ryuuhou doesn’t think of himself as the killer, even if he’s the one who pushed Koujaku to kill with the tattoos. No, he simply brought out Koujaku’s real self, and Koujaku’s real self is a monster. He takes pride in the simple telling of the tale, pride in what Koujaku has become. Ryuuhou revealed Koujaku’s true self, but he did not shape it. Ryuuhou considers himself blameless.

You are smiling ever harder despite yourself. All this worrying about Ryuuhou, and for what? He laid out his persona in front of you, and you didn’t have to do a thing but listen. Perhaps the best part is that now you can finally enjoy how interesting he is. You know why he’s interesting now. It’s easy. It’s controlled. You knew the whole time there was no reason to worry, and you nearly laugh to think you were ever so apprehensive about him.

Although, a part of you isn’t that surprised you were so unnerved by Ryuuhou. Perhaps it was the spark in his voice that reminded you of Aoba. Perhaps it was his inquisitiveness regarding Sei, something so special to you. It was almost certainly that bizarre dream, given how rare dreams are for you and how true to life that dream seemed to be. Ryuuhou was simply good at pretending to be mysterious, and you suppose you can accept that. You would say that you’re good at pretending to be things you aren’t as well.

You and Ryuuhou continue to talk as it rains outside. Ryuuhou shares stories about his other favorite tattoos. Clearly Koujaku’s tattoos are his favorite above all, and his other stories don’t really compare. It’s not dissimilar to your fascination with Aoba, you realize. You and Trip both say to each other that you love Aoba, but you both know that it isn’t a normal, human kind of love. You’re his biggest fans. You want to keep Aoba, love him, ravish him in attention-forever. You want to hold onto him until he inevitably breaks, but stave that event off for as long as possible. Ryuuhou doesn’t have that same love for Koujaku, but he takes pride in the masterpiece he’s made him into. He loves the tattoos he’s painstakingly carved into Koujaku’s back. That too is a twisted love, a twisted pride. Indeed, it seems you and Ryuuhou are more similar than you originally thought.

“You know,” Ryuuhou says suddenly. “I’ve been wondering what you’ve done to get yourself aligned with Toue myself.” He grins. “I’m sure it’s an interesting story.”

This surprises you a little. Not just his use of the word “interesting” (really, does he know just how much of a buzzword that is for you?), but the fact that he’s curious about you, just as you were about him. And he’s not wrong. Your story certainly is interesting, as well as long, expansive, and ongoing even now. It’s not in your nature to spill every detail about things (unlike Ryuuhou, it would seem), but a part of you wants to indulge his curiosity. You think for a moment, choosing your words carefully before you reply.

“I’ve been with Toue for a very long time,” you begin. “I hardly remember a time that I wasn’t.”

“Even as a child?” Ryuuhou asks, tilting his head quizzically.

“Yes,” you reply. “But I don’t have much of an attachment to him. As long as it’s fun to work with him, I’ll continue.”

“What’s so fun about it?” Ryuuhou asks. You wouldn’t be surprised if the look on his face matches the one you had when you realized you were about to figure out Ryuuhou’s true nature. He knows he’s touched on something big. And he has, you know as well as he does. You’re not as blinded by your fascinations as Ryuuhou is, so you continue to speak carefully.

“Sei is fun,” you say. “Everything about him is interesting to me.” There’s no way he can figure out about Sei’s brother and his importance to you, but then again, you have essentially already told Ryuuhou about him. After all, Aoba is something about Sei, a part of him, in fact.

Ryuuhou almost frowns. In turn, you almost grin. It appears as if you are the fox now.

The rest of the conversation proceeds in a similar way. Ryuuhou trying to get to the bottom of what you want, what makes you tick, and you dodging his questions every time. His annoyance slowly turns into excitement. Much like how badly you wanted to understand him in the beginning, he now is desperate to find out what you are. He clearly values the thrill of the case.

But you don’t mind. You find Ryuuhou interesting, and seeing more of him as he tries to pick your brain won’t much trouble you.

The two of you leave the cake shop and part once the rain stops, going your separate ways. You’re sure you’ll see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virus you smug asshole omg
> 
> Yeah Virus has a lot of back-and-forth in this fic, both with Ryuuhou and with himself. I like to think he's like that simply because he's not 100% sane? Idk. But yeah you can consider this chapter to be a turning point, because the next chapter is when we REALLY start getting into it. I really hope most of you stick around for it because oh man you're gonna love it owo But as usual kudos and bookmarks are appreciated, and I'd still love a comment or two even if it's criticism (as long as it's constructive criticism because I wanna know how to improve and also cuz I'm a big baby who hates hearing that she fucked up ;w;). See y'all Monday! :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virus begins to spend more time with Ryuuhou, and realizes that his feelings-and Ryuuhou’s-aren’t as cut-and-dry as they originally seemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which one of these chucklefucks FINALLY MAKES A MOVE it's about time jfc
> 
> Yeah I pretty much love this chapter because shit finally starts happening and just
> 
> Maybe I should just let you read it before I tell you what happens ;w;

You do see Ryuuhou again, and not just at work. You begin to run into him rather often while traversing Platinum Jail, and once you even see him in the Old Resident District. It only takes you a couple meetings to realize that they aren’t nearly as random as they might appear. Ryuuhou is clearly seeking you out, in an attempt to learn more about you. You find that you don’t much mind. You didn’t mind when Trip started seeking you out all those years ago. Besides, Ryuuhou’s still interesting to you, and you find yourself learning more things about him as you encounter him more frequently.

He loves red velvet cake, but his favorite color is blue. His favorite animal is a dragon. He doesn’t laugh often, but he will at dark humor. His laughter sounds just as nice as his regular speaking voice, if not more so. The part of his job he hates the most is the tedious interviews and public events brought on by his fame. The part he likes the most, aside from tattooing his clients, is planning out the design, working with what the person asked for and twisting it to create the perfect vehicle for their true self.

As mundane as these discoveries are, you enjoy learning them. You tell yourself that anything you can earn about him is interesting in its own way, but the same rational part of you that knew your dream was no cause for concern realizes that you are fully aware of how useless these simple facts are, and that the plain truth is that you _like_ learning about Ryuuhou. You like spending time with him and talking to him, even if it’s not about anything special. To you, it’s all interesting, even if it would be boring to someone else.

And what’s more, it becomes less and less fun to keep him guessing regarding your own motivations. Having that element of control over him after he spilled out his inner thoughts to you was appealing for a while, but at some point it began to fade. It became less and less fun to dodge or redirect his questions, so before long you started giving him whole truths instead of little hints. You aren’t sure yourself why you suddenly gave that up, but some part of you wonders if perhaps you gave up having control over Ryuuhou because you stopped _wanting_ control over him. Perhaps you’ve found one thing that you chose not to control, one things that you allow to happen as it may, unlike nearly everything else in your life. That thought is easily pressed down at first, but it gets harder to do so as days go by.

The idea of why you don’t want to control Ryuuhou eludes you, as does the idea of why you enjoy spending time with him and learning about him. But a part of you (you seem split into a lot of parts these days) wonders if you might be feeling something stronger than simple interest.

The first time that notion truly hits you several weeks after your first meeting at the cake shop. You find yourself there with him yet again.

“Ah, funny we meet here again, isn’t it, Virus-san” Ryuuhou says.

“Yes, it is,” you agree, despite knowing it’s far from coincidence.

Just like before, the two of you get cake. This time you get red velvet, just as Ryuuhou does. He notices, but only grins smugly as opposed to pointing it out vocally. You aren’t sure why you picked red velvet. Certainly not to copy Ryuuhou. Perhaps you just wanted to try something new. It turns out to be less sweet than you expected, which you are rather glad for. You don’t normally enjoy sweet things, after all.

The conversation you two have that day doesn’t stick in your mind. Later, you cannot recall exactly what was said, or even the topic that was discussed. You’d guess it was more of Ryuuhou trying to figure out your history and your motives, and you alternating between giving him the smallest hints, the tiniest bits of information to encourage him while also keeping him in the dark, and bigger truths, big pictures, just as you’ve been beginning to do. But the most important words spoken between the two of you that day happen at the very end of your conversation, just before the two of you go your separate ways.

“Virus-san, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Ryuuhou says, “We’ve been meeting so often lately, and we work together besides. Perhaps it’d be easier if we had each other’s coil numbers?”

You can’t help but stare. Ryuuhou grins unapologetically. He’s quite literally asking for your number. There’s really no need for you to exchange numbers, for even if you work in the same place, you’ve never been paired up for projects. But somehow, you don’t oppose giving him your coil number, nor do you oppose receiving his. You accept both his proposition and his explanation, the same way you’ve accepted the frequent meetings between two of you. Once you’ve exchanged numbers, Ryuuhou speaks up.

“Now, let me make sure you have it right,” He says, suddenly taking hold of your hand, pulling it towards his face so he can see the number on your coil. You’re more than a little surprised, as well as now being positive that he has some ulterior motive in getting your number. Before you can react, his lips twitch into a soft, surprisingly kind smile, before they touch the surface of your hand in his grasp. The kiss is over as quickly as it began, and Ryuuhou lowers and releases your hand. He ignores your coil, of course.

“See you soon, Virus-san.” He murmurs, smiling that same kind smile, before turning and starting his journey home before you can say anything in reply.

And here you thought Ryuuhou was done surprising you. Have you been misjudging his motives all along? Do you really understand him as well as you thought you did? You hadn’t seen anything romantic in the way he purposefully ran into you. Trip wasn’t being romantic when he started following you around, and the way he stays with you now isn’t romantic either. A part of you must have assumed them to be the same in that regard. And why wouldn’t it? You don’t have anyone else to adequately compare to Ryuuhou. But they aren’t the same, not at all.

Ryuuhou has feelings for you. How deep they run, you don’t have a clue. You’ve never had to deal with something like this before, because you aren’t human. Humans can love, humans have their ways of showing love. You aren’t human, so you can’t love, and you don’t know how humans show love. As odd and sadistic Ryuuhou is, he is still a human. The way he’s sought you out _is_ romantic; it was him trying to show you how he felt. His constant smiles, the genuine ones especially, are caused by you. His questioning regarding your life and your motives for what you do are because he just wants to know more about you. Not to dissect you or get to the bottom of what’s interesting about you, but simply to _learn_ about you for no other reason than simple enjoyment.

You suddenly realize that you just described the reason _you_ enjoy learning about _Ryuuhou_.

You hurry home and try not to think about what might happen the next time you see him, all the while resisting the urge to look at his number on your coil.

~~~

The second time you dream about Ryuuhou is that night. You shouldn’t be so surprised; you recall reading somewhere that if you think about something enough, it gets imprinted into your subconscious and shows up in your dreams. But you’d taken that with a grain of salt, considering how infrequently you dream and how inhuman you feel you are. Either way, you once again find yourself in that dark imaginary forest, searching for Ryuuhou. This time, he’s facing you when you find him. You look at each other in silence. His expression is neutral, which unnerves you. You aren’t used to seeing him without his trademark grin. Deep in your mind, you wonder how your brain even conjured up this image of him. But the thought vanishes the longer you stand there, eyes locked with Ryuuhou’s. You finally speak, but your mouth seems to act apart from your brain.

“What are you feeling?” You ask.

Ryuuhou’s eyes widen ever so slightly at your question. You’re a little surprised at yourself too, if you’re being honest. What kind of question is that? But after that small moment of confusion (or shock? You don’t know), his expression becomes more familiar but no less mystifying. He smiles, tenderly, the same way he did just before he kissed your hand earlier.

“What do you think?” He asks you in return.

“I think you care about me.” You say almost immediately. For once your mouth seems to be in accordance with your mind, since your statement is the truth.

Ryuuhou’s eyes close serenely, his sweetened smile still in place. That’s as much of an affirmation as you think you’re going to get from this apparition. But something tells you that he has more left to say. Indeed, after several moments, he opens his eyes and asks you another question.

“How do you feel about me, Virus?” He asks, sounding more honest than you’ve ever heard him, even more than when he was describing his passion for tattooing. What’s more, this honesty is much more gentle, startlingly so. He doesn’t even use the honorific he always uses for you.

You’re taken aback, but you think you already know the answer to his question. You’ve known the answer since you realized how similar his desire to know about you was to your desire to know about him. Maybe you’ve known for longer than that but just didn’t acknowledge it. It’s so impossible, and yet…

“I-”

Thunder crackling outside suddenly wakes you. Your eyes shoot open and you feel the word “love” lingering on your lips. You breathe it out, half-whisper it into the darkness. How did this feeling sneak up on you? The thunder sounds again, and you become conscious of the sound of rain pouring outside to accompany it. It was raining the first time you were alone with Ryuuhou.

There’s no use telling yourself it was only a dream, with no basis in reality. There was too much truth for that. The word you woke up with is part of that truth. You sigh and try to relax back into your bed. Perhaps, you think, you may have some humanity left in you after all.

Sleep does not come that night, not even after the thunder and rain cease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SCREAMS @ MY OWN FIC* RYUUHOU YOU FUCKIN DORK can you tell how much I enjoyed writing this chapter? ;w; I know this was really sappy and gross but that's what I live for in my ships forgive me
> 
> Pretty much every chapter from here on out is gonna be really gr8 (she says about her own fic) but I hope you get what I mean? These chapters are gonna make the beginning chapters look lame basically
> 
> Anyway, recognition in any form is always appreciated ofc (and I GOT SOME NICE COMMENTS LAST CHAPTER praise ;w;). I regret to inform that I haven't progressed any further with this fic since I published the first chapter, which not only means it's still unfinished, but that I still don't know how many chapters there's gonna be. I'm still thinking 10 or 11, maybe 12. Probably not more than that. I promise I'll finish it up in a timely manner! I super-promise not to keep you guys waiting for new chapters ;w;
> 
> Procrastination tendencies aside, I'll definitely see y'all Thursday! :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virus meets up with Ryuuhou to figure out what exactly their relationship is, and discovers that whether or not a thing is interesting is not always the be-all and end-all of what makes something enjoyable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rly short and I'm sorry about that bUT IT'S ALSO SUPER GREAT like wow we're finally getting somewhere with these two
> 
> I hope you like this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it ;w;

The first time you see Ryuuhou after you realize you might love him is three days after you have that dream, and it’s because Ryuuhou sent you a message wanting to meet up. You were correct, then, in assuming that he had an ulterior motive for getting your coil number. Regardless, you agree to meet up. Neither of you mention the kiss, but you suspect that’ll be brought up once you two speak in person. Just like in the dream, if he doesn’t say anything, you will.

You don’t meet up at that cake shop, surprisingly enough. Instead you end up at an outdoor café. Ryuuhou has already arrived when you get there, and you can’t help but notice the way his eyes light up when he sees you. You find that, despite the circumstances surrounding this get-together, you’re happy to see him, too.

You sit down with him, and as you suspected it might, conversation halts after you both exchange greetings. It almost seems intentional on Ryuuhou’s part, as if he wants to know your thoughts on what happened before he says anything. The silence is clearly eating at him, however, you see as much on his face. Ryuuhou, to you, seems like the type of person who always needs noise around him. Perhaps that makes sense, given the joyful way he describes the screams and cries of pain of his clients (you really do know a lot about him, don’t you?). You yourself don’t particularly mind silence, but you don’t enjoy places and people that are too noisy. And perhaps that’s explainable too, for Aoba’s voice isn’t very loud at all. Neither is Ryuuhou’s.

“So, about before,” you say, finally breaking the silence, “Were you intending on going on like it didn’t happen?” You don’t mean it rudely, and it shows in your voice. How can you mean it rudely, when you purposely avoid saying the word “kiss”? Ryuuhou blinks at your words, and then becomes sheepish.

“Well, not quite, but…” he begins with a breathy chuckle, “I suppose a part of me was hoping that you’d somehow forget about it.”

“Do you regret it?” You ask. Admittedly, that one comes out a bit rudely. You aren’t sure if you intended it to or not (but you find that you do really hope he doesn’t regret it).

“No!” Ryuuhou says immediately. His eyebrows knit together in worry (you realize how much you dislike his worried face, even though his features aren’t any less attractive for it). “I don’t, not at all. Do…you?”

_“How do you feel about me?”_ You were right, that dream was too real to be ignored. Whatever you answer now is going to answer that question. You recall the thunder outside ripping the word “love” out of your throat.

“No.” You say. You realize you’re smiling, more genuinely than you have in a while. At the back of your mind you observe how silly this is, two grown men shyly confessing their love for each other like a couple of schoolchildren.

Ryuuhou brightens instantly, and the schoolchildren comparison becomes even more accurate in the face of his excited expression.

“I’m glad!” He exclaims, evidently a little louder than he meant to, judging by the return of his sheepish expression. You chuckle, you can’t help it. You realize that you don’t mind loudness as much when it’s from Ryuuhou.

Goodness, you really do love him, don’t you?

The way you both talk to each other as the day progresses doesn’t change much, however. But there’s definitely a new tone to your words and your expressions. You both smile a little more and laugh a little more than you usually do. Your feelings for Ryuuhou took you by such surprise; indeed, you doubt you would’ve noticed them for a long time had Ryuuhou not acted first. Yet, the feeling settles quickly and you acclimate yourself to it with ease. The thought that you might be at least a little human is a thought that you still need to get used to, but perhaps it’s not so bad to able to love like this, especially since it’s returned.

As you two are parting later that day, you get a sudden impulse to do _something_ to cement this officially, less for Ryuuhou than for you. As easy as your feelings settled, you’ve begun to notice a pattern in your thoughts since you met Ryuuhou. First you figured he wasn’t much more than what he seemed, then you realized how little you knew about him. You figured him out, saw what his motivations were, and dodged his attempts to see yours. The next thing you knew love had blindsided you. Now you’re calm again, but maybe too soon. You want to stop those ups and downs, at least for a while. And the best way to do that is to take a step forward in this new relationship, a small step above a kiss on the hand.

So before he can turn to leave, you gently take his chin in your hand (his skin is soft, as you expected it might be). He looks at you questioningly, but you don’t give him time to respond before your lips are on his.

Something blooms in your chest, a smaller-scale explosion of your now-usual emotional panic.  A much more controllable, much more comfortable version of that panic. You never imagined it could feel so pleasant to kiss another person. Ryuuhou, for his part, only freezes for a moment before he relaxes and begins to move his lips against yours. Before long you feel his hand on your cheek. You wonder if his eyes are closed like yours are. You decide they must be, because you doubt Ryuuhou is the type to keep his eyes open during a kiss (another random thing you just _know_ about him because you know so much about him already). It’s amazing. There’s no other word for it. More than being fun or interesting, this is amazing.

A part of you-no, all of you-wants to go further, deepen the kiss. But as lost in it as you are you still remember that you’re in public, and it wouldn’t be prudent to go any further than this. So you pull away, a smile on your lips. You wonder if it looks anything like the way Ryuuhou smiled as he kissed your hand, but that thought only lasts as long as takes you to open your eyes and see Ryuuhou’s expression.

His face is slightly flushed, his eyes shiny with bliss. His mouth remains slightly parted for a moment, before closing in a heavenly smile. He is, you realize, truly beautiful.

You’ve never used that word to describe anything that isn’t Aoba before.

“Until next time?” He whispers breathlessly, his hand still on your cheek.

“Until next time.” You repeat, still smiling.

You part ways, and later, Ryuuhou is the first to text you. You’d sort of expected that. Or rather, you realize, you’d hoped for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you hear that? It is the sound of me screaming in the distance. Virus you cheesy fuck
> 
> And whoop we got a new buzzword, holla! I feel like Virus is just that kind of person that has a label for every experience what with all his shit about being in control (except when he makes exceptions or contradicts himself, which he finally realized he does a lot. like self-awareness much). But yeah it just gets even mushier and more romantic from here on out
> 
> I think some of you are gonna rly like the next chapter and that's all I'm gonna say about it for now ewe More comments and kudos and whatever else is appreciated as always! With that, I'll see you Monday :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virus and Ryuuhou’s relationship evolves, and Virus himself begins to change in ways he never thought possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know I always tell you that the next chapter is gonna be gr8 but THIS time I gotta tell you something specific which is: here is the chapter in which these two psychos finally frickle frackle ewe On top of that it's also pretty long compared to previous chapters so consider that a bonus! Have fun! owo

Your relationship with Ryuuhou doesn’t change overnight, the same way it doesn’t change immediately when you both clear the air after Ryuuhou kissed your hand. It takes some time before anyone could even guess you’re a couple. What’s more, you and Ryuuhou are very discreet at work, and you doubt that anyone there has noticed at all. The kiss you give him after your haphazard confession turns out to be the extent of what the two of you do in public, regardless of whether you’re at work or not. In many ways, it’s the same as it was before: You and Ryuuhou meeting up often and talking, except this time the meetings are prearranged instead of coincidental.

Things do change, however, even if slowly. It seems fitting that it’s Ryuuhou who starts reaching for your hand while you’re walking together or when you’re sitting next to each other. It also seems fitting that it’s him who starts calling you after you get home from work, regardless of how often you saw each other during the day. And from this, it’s fitting that Ryuuhou’s the one who brings up the way you address each other:

“Hey, Virus-san.”

“Yes?”

“It’s a bit odd that we’re so formal with each other, isn’t it?”

“I suppose you’re right. What should we call each other instead, then?”

“Hmm…Virus-kun?”

“No.”

“Virus-chan?”

“Definitely not.”

“You’re no fun, Virus-san! Well, what should we use?”

“How about just Virus?”

“Ah, that sounds good. So I’m just Ryuuhou now, too.”

“I know.”

“Just thought I’d mention! You’re a little uptight, you know.”

“…I’m not uptight.”

“Yes you are!”

“I’m not.”

“Yes you are Virus!”

“Ryuuhou.”

“Oh see, that was easy!”

“Ryuuhou…”

“Sorry, sorry! I was just teasing. Are you mad at me?”

“…No, I suppose not.”

“Good~!”

Before long, it all becomes routine. The hand-holding, the after-work calls, the new way of addressing each other (except for when you’re at work). Even the way you both converse becomes routine. Ryuuhou’s a playful person, you quickly discover, and more than a little childish. Trip is childish too, as he’s proven to you many times over the years. But Ryuuhou has a different kind of childishness to him, more endearing, less aggravating, the kind one can’t stay mad at for long. Trip brings to mind an elementary school bully, who laughs as he sticks pencils in his classmate’s ears, kills small animals in his yard, and leaves the corpses out for his parents to find. Ryuuhou is the kid who kills small animals, but disposes of the bodies, washes his hands, and goes to school, where he behaves impeccably but will happily talk about the animals if asked. He’s good at acting innocent, he good at good at _being_ innocent, but he’s also good at being twisted and strange-a bit like you, when you think about it. You’ve been letting yourself do a lot more thinking lately.

Although, there is one time when you don’t do very much thinking.

The first time you and Ryuuhou…well, you aren’t sure how to put it. “Have sex” doesn’t sound right, “make love” is too clichéd, “fuck” is too crude, and “have intercourse” is too formal. Whatever one can call it, it happens during another first, the first time Ryuuhou invites you to his home.

He’d already told you that he lived in Flame Willow, but you still don’t quite know what to expect from his residence. The attractions in the various sections of Platinum Jail are a good distance from the homes there, and you never had the inclination or the need to see them. If the houses are anything like the rest of Platinum Jail, however, you figure they’re impressive and extravagant. But Ryuuhou doesn’t strike you as someone who needs things to be flashy or excessive. Thus, you aren’t sure what you’ll be walking into when, one day when you and Ryuuhou get off work at the same time, Ryuuhou drags you to his house. Admittedly, he doesn’t so much drag you as he simply pesters you a little. It doesn’t take you much convincing to go see his home. After all, it’s one more thing you get to learn about Ryuuhou, and one more thing, you suddenly think, that you get to share with him.

You really are in love, aren’t you? It still never ceases to surprise you.

You don’t go to his house expecting much other than a tour and perhaps a meal. And at first, that’s all Ryuuhou seems to want out of it, too. It turns out that you were right, and the interior of his house isn’t nearly as gaudy as one would expect from a house in Platinum Jail. The home is decorated with tattoo designs on scrolls hanging on the walls, with a dark blue color scheme throughout. There’s also several dragon-related items, including a blue lamp in the shape of one. When you first see it, you glance at it, and then stare pointedly at Ryuuhou.

“What? I like dragons!” Ryuuhou says, grinning. He’s only a little embarrassed.

“I know you do,” you respond kindly, “But a dragon lamp?”

“I think it looks nice.” Ryuuhou states, sounding just disgruntled enough for you to tell that he’s not actually disgruntled at all. “It matches everything else.”

“I suppose so,” you say, and you mean it. Surprisingly, the lamp doesn’t look out of place. You smile at Ryuuhou. “It suits you.”

Someone else would miss the fleeting expression of embarrassment that crosses Ryuuhou’s face, along with the faint blush the colors his cheeks. Ryuuhou can be very expressive when he wants to be, and, as is clear now, when he doesn’t want to be as well. It only makes you smile harder, before drawing him to you with one arm and lightly kissing his still-hot cheek.

That’s another thing that’s fitting, is how you always seem to be the one who initiates more romantic touches than hand-holding the rare times you two are alone. But as Ryuuhou moves his arms around you, it occurs to you that you’re alone together right now. You don’t need to worry about a coworker rounding the corner and seeing you kiss Ryuuhou, and you don’t need to worry about the eyes of passing pedestrians watching this intimate act. You two are perfectly alone, and there’s no chance of anyone interrupting your private moment.

That must be why you let your lips sit on his cheek for longer than you normally would. Before long, however, Ryuuhou turns his head to kiss you. You recall that first kiss you shared, and how badly you wanted to kiss him deeper, harder than you could while out in public. You smile unconsciously against Ryuuhou’s lips as you realize that now, nothing is stopping you from going as far as you want. You push your tongue against Ryuuhou’s lips, and his mouth opens like he’s been waiting for it. Neither of you can suppress the moans and gasps coming from your throats as your tongues meld together. Ryuuhou’s mouth doesn’t have much of a taste, but even so you can’t get enough of it. At some point your hand finds his cheek and his hands find your back and that word comes back, the word amazing. This is amazing. This is fun, this is definitely interesting, but above all it’s amazing.

It only escalates from there. Perhaps it was inevitable that it would progress this far. It’s spontaneous, it’s a decision you both make in an instant, one that needs only a breathless stare into the other’s eyes for confirmation. Ryuuhou hasn’t shown you his bedroom on his tour, so he wordlessly takes your hand, smiling almost deliriously, and pulls you there. There’s not much else you can do-or want to do, for that matter-but follow him.

It begins quickly, so quickly as you both shed your clothes but time seems to stop for a brief moment when Ryuuhou lets his kimono drop from his shoulders, revealing pale, smooth skin that you suddenly want to mark every inch of. There’s romance still there, but the lust becomes stronger the more you and Ryuuhou kiss and grab at each other. You do mark up his skin, biting and bruising his neck and shoulders one mouthful at a time. His moans become sighs, which become whines and whimpers, which become desperate murmurs of _“Virus, I want you, I want you-”_

You thought his face was beautiful before, but the heavy-lidded, open-mouthed expressions he makes as you move inside him aren’t even comparable. You thought his voice was beautiful before, but the sounds you draw from him now are practically music. Amazing. So amazing. Dare you say, perfect. You didn’t know you were capable of making a sound like the low, near-feral grunt you let out when you come. Only a moment after, Ryuuhou grabs onto your shoulders, unconsciously digging his nails in, and makes a sound that’s practically the opposite of the one you made: High, melodious, tapering off into a breathless gasp.

 Needless to say, you stay the night. You don’t want to leave, and Ryuuhou doesn’t want you to leave either. Ryuuhou makes dinner and it feels so domestic that it’s almost embarrassing, but somehow it isn’t. It isn’t, because it’s Ryuuhou. And you love Ryuuhou. It’s not as odd to think about anymore. Is this what they call the “honeymoon phase” of a new relationship? If it is, you don’t want this phase to end.

Or maybe this is just what it’s like to be human. Rather, what it’s like to realize and understand that you’re human. That’s another thing you’ve been thinking about. Every time you think in amazement that you really love him, you also think in equal amazement at how human you turned out to be.

Ryuuhou doesn’t have a guest room, so you have to squeeze into his bed with him, which neither of you mind in the slightest. In fact, you’re fairly certain that even if Ryuuhou did have a guest room, he’d insist that you sleep in his bed anyway. Physical contact, you’ve begun to notice, means a lot to Ryuuhou. Between the way he reaches for your hand while you’re walking, sits close to you at restaurants, and even when he holds onto your shoulders when he climaxes. Perhaps the right word is “clingy.” But that has such a negative connotation, and you like it when it comes to Ryuuhou. In fact, when he nuzzles into your shoulder as he drifts off to sleep, you decide that you love it. Honeymoon phase, indeed, you think, as you fall asleep in turn.

The next morning, you wake up first. Today is a weekday, after all, and regardless of how nice it would be to stay with Ryuuhou for a while longer, you both need to go to work. You think you ought to wake Ryuuhou up, but then you see how peaceful and beautiful he looks when he’s asleep and decide against it. You get half-dressed, and sit on the bed to put on your shirt. That’s when Ryuuhou wakes up. You feel the blankets shift, and hear the quiet sound of his yawn.

“Hey, where’re you going?” He asks groggily, clearly only half-awake.

“Work.” You answer, turning to look at him. He’s rubbing the sleep out of eyes, cutely so if you’re being honest. “You have to go too, you know. You should get dressed.” You turn back to your shirt buttons.

“You’re no fun, Virus…” Ryuuhou mutters, crawling over to you and embracing you from behind.

“How can you say that with a straight face after what we did last night?” You retort, unable to keep your smile from reaching your voice. Ryuuhou butts his head into your shoulder in response, and his face feels much warmer than before. Is he blushing? Is he…embarrassed? You wish you could see his face, but even if you turn to look you doubt you’ll see much, given the way he’s burying his face in your back.

“Nn.” He grumbles, either too embarrassed or too tired to come up with anything better to say. Clearly Ryuuhou is not a morning person. Suddenly, it occurs to you that you were so caught up in Ryuuhou’s embarrassment that you didn’t realize that his arms around your chest are making it near-impossible for you to button your shirt.

“Ryuuhou,” you say, “I need to put on my shirt.” Ryuuhou whines and squeezes you tighter. You were right, Ryuuhou is childish. Although it’s a cute display, you would prefer not to be late for work. “Ryuuhou…” you try again.

Suddenly, Ryuuhou surprises you by lowering his arms down your chest to your waist, and raising his lips to mouth your ear. Your breath hitches. It’s never that difficult for you to get up in the morning, in more ways than one.

“Are you _sure_ we have to leave _now~_?” He whispers hotly against your ear.

That’s all it takes. At the back of your mind you wonder if Ryuuhou planned this, and simply pretended to be sleepy and acted cute just to get to this point, but you’re too busy tearing off your clothes to give it much thought. Once your head clears a little after the fact you’re completely sure that Ryuuhou has acted his way into a round of morning sex. You admit you’re a little impressed.

 Unsurprisingly, the two of you arrive at work together very late. The looks you and Ryuuhou get when you get there make you suspect that your relationship with him isn’t as secret as it was before. But no one seems brave enough to say anything, despite the exaggerated grins that Ryuuhou gives you whenever you pass by each other.

Even if his cute and sleepy behavior is an act, you think, his childishness sure isn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Ryuuhou is a sly fuckin dog and Virus realizes he's in too deep lmao
> 
> I hope my weak-ass sex scene didn't disappoint you too much ;w; Smut ain't my forte plus this was more about the emotion and whatever than the actual sex (can this GET any more sappy? the answer is no). Unfortunately I STILL haven't finished writing this damn thing but there should end up being 10 or 11 chapters in this shindig. Maybe 12 if I get even wordier than usual (who even knows if that's even possible). So basically we're halfway there! Exciting shit owo Still loving your kudos an comments, so keep 'em coming if you can! See y'all Thursday! :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virus continues to ask himself more questions and get more answers as Toue’s plans begin to fall into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the summary is lame but a couple things happen in this chapter and their not overly related? At least not in a way that sounds pretty when you explain it. Trip finally does a thing, though! He's basically my trash husband so he was gonna be relevant at some point or another ewe So yeah, happy reading!

That marks a new routine for you and Ryuuhou. You find yourself at his house rather often, at times without even planning it. But Ryuuhou never ends up at your house, and that’s because your house isn’t yours alone. Trip is there, too, which Ryuuhou knows. Sometimes you wonder if Ryuuhou is jealous about that, since he’s never all that willing to talk about Trip, even in passing. But it’s not as if you talk about Trip that much at all to begin with. You and Trip don’t mean much to each other; certainly not as much you and Ryuuhou mean to each other. The sappiness of that thought does not go unnoticed to you, but that’s just one more thing you’re getting more and more used to. Another new thing you don’t mind because it’s related to Ryuuhou. Which is a sappy thought it and of itself, and so it goes.

Anyhow, it’s just as well that Ryuuhou never comes to your house, because Trip doesn’t appear to have caught on to your relationship with him yet. But you aren’t quite sure if that’s the case or not. On the one hand, Trip likely would’ve said something by now if he knew, and you’ve always been smarter than him, anyway. But on the other hand, Trip isn’t a complete idiot, and he’s not much of a talker. Neither of you pry into each other’s privacy, but that’s always been because you never had any secrets to keep from each other in the first place. You aren’t going to claim that you know everything about Trip, but after being in such close proximity with him for so long you suspect there’s not that much you don’t know.

Trip’s silence on the subject of you and Ryuuhou has you thinking for a different reason as well. It’s common knowledge between the two of you that you only care about each other insofar as it affects you. It doesn’t matter to you what Trip does, as long as it doesn’t affect your own tasks. Trip surely feels the same. You still spend a lot of time with Trip due to work, but the rest of the time you’re essentially gone as far as Trip’s concerned. While you doubt it’s been that inconvenient for him, you’re sure it’s had some impact. The fact that he hasn’t brought it up is odd to you.

But you’re not going to bring it up first. If Trip has a problem it’s not your responsibility to pull it out of him. As always, you leave him to his own devices on the subject. Even if you’re curious as to why he hasn’t said anything-and you most certainly are curious-you don’t see the point of mentioning it if Trip doesn’t first. You aren’t about to make an issue out of something that could be nothing.

Before long, however, you realize that Trip does, in fact, know what’s going on. The sidelong stares he gives you when you get back late on nights you can’t stay at Ryuuhou’s house, along with the pointed look he directs towards the marks Ryuuhou’s made on your neck send a very clear message. Perhaps he simply doesn’t feel the need to say anything about it, that it is what it is. But Trip’s usually a lot more direct and a lot less subtle about things, so his silence is still somewhat of a mystery to you.

But even after all the internal crises you had when Ryuuhou was unfamiliar to you, you still enjoy a good mystery. So you wait and see if Trip will say anything of his own accord. You are a patient person.

You’ll have plenty of opportunities to talk, anyhow, for Toue’s plans are finally beginning to take shape. They aren’t quite defined, not yet, but tangible. You and Trip have been scouting Midorijima’s Old Resident District, figuring out which Rib teams might be more willing to join Morphine and which people might be more susceptible to its affects. It’s certainly fun work to you, and Ryuuhou seems happy about it as well. After all, he’ll get to tattoo people like he did Koujaku again. He once told you to make sure to pick out some good clients, and it was clear he was only half-joking. You’ll oblige, of course.

The only bit of trouble with this new work has to do with the more brutish, territorial teams. Those kinds of teams are no good for Morphine; their leaders are too stubborn and too difficult to persuade and control. But of course there’s no way to know that a team is like that until they’re encountered, meaning that you and Trip occasionally end up in fights. It’s an inconvenience mostly, as you’re never very worried about getting seriously hurt. You’re fast in a fight and pack a pretty big punch, and while Trip isn’t as quick as you he’s easily over twice as strong. Because of this combination, you and Trip rarely leave a fight with anything worse than rubbed-raw knuckles from punching too hard. Rarely.

The first time you see Ryuuhou get upset occurs after one of those rare times. You and Trip run into one of those troublesome Rib teams, and one of the members catches you by surprise while a different member is hassling you. You see the metal crowbar out of the corner of your eye at the last second and manage to avoid getting your skull smashed in, but you get hit hard enough to draw blood on the left side of your head regardless. You and Trip are still able to make short work of the group, with Trip admittedly doing most of the fighting, after which you both decide to go home. Injuries like this don’t particularly phase you, but you know better than to let it go untreated (you’re less willing to acknowledge that it also hurts quite a bit, and that you might be a little dizzy). You plan on stopping at the restroom of some establishment on the way home to wash the dried blood out of your hair so as not to attract any attention, but before you and Trip can find anywhere, you both run into Ryuuhou.

You remember before you two were together, and how Ryuuhou would often run into you accidentally on purpose. But this time it seems legitimately unplanned, and the surprise in Ryuuhou’s expression looks genuine. You hope he doesn’t notice the blood in your hair.

“Virus-san, Trip-san!” Ryuuhou says, face breaking into a surprised smile. “I didn’t expect to see you here!” The honorific Ryuuhou tacks onto the end of your name seems odd to you for a brief moment, until you remember that you both still refer to each other that way in front of coworkers. Perhaps your head injury is worse than you thought. Have you gotten a concussion?

“Me either,” you reply to Ryuuhou, “What a surprise.” Trip suddenly snickers next to you, causing Ryuuhou to eye him curiously and you to turn to him, annoyed. “What exactly is so funny?” You ask him.

“You don’t have to bother keeping up the formal act.” He answers easily. “Everyone already knows you two are together.”

Ah, so that was his game all along. He was only waiting for a good opportunity to mention your relationship. You narrow your eyebrows at him, and out of the corner of your eye you see a blush creeping over Ryuuhou’s face. Trip, for his part, is giving you what must be the most shit-eating grin he’s ever made.

“How about I catch up with you.” You say bluntly, keeping up your stare. Trip grins even wider, if it’s even possible, and starts to walk on towards home.

“Sure, bye-bye, lover-boy.” He calls back over his shoulder like he rehearsed it. You can’t help the sigh that escapes your throat. Trip really is so irritatingly childish. You don’t have much time to dwell on it, however, because you suddenly see Ryuuhou’s face tighten. He’s definitely spotted the blood in your hair. Your suspicion is confirmed when he moves up to you, and gently cups your cheek just below the bloodstain on your temple.

“What happened?” He asks. He is not smiling. It reminds you of that dream you had of him a while ago, when he wasn’t smiling as you asked him how he felt. But the image of his mirthless expression you had in your mind’s eye is not nearly as bad as the real thing. You realize how much you hate it when he isn’t smiling.

“Just a bit of trouble with the team we were trying to scout.” You explain, reaching up to close your fingers around his wrist comfortingly. “It’s not as bad as it looks.” Considering the pain and the dizziness you feel you’re more than likely lying through your teeth as you say this, and Ryuuhou seems to notice.

“Well, it certainly can’t be good.” He mutters, rubbing his thumb over your skin. It feels nice. “Maybe you should go to a hospital.”

“That’s not necessary,” you assure him, “I’ve had worse.” That doesn’t seem to make him feel any better, however, for his eyebrows furrow in concern at your words.

“Are you sure?” He asks in a low voice, nearly desperate. You wonder if your injury is the reason his sad face makes you feel a little sad in turn, or if it’s simply yet another by-product of being human. All things considered, it’s probably both.

“I’m sure,” You murmur, reaching out the hand not holding Ryuuhou’s wrist to put a hand on his back and pull him closer. “I can handle myself.” At the back of your mind you remember that you’re in public, but you find that you’re much more concerned with assuaging Ryuuhou’s fears. Ryuuhou huffs, slightly irritated but also not, and gives you a quick peck on the lips.

“I know you can,” he murmurs, “But I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Your heart drops into your stomach in the best way possible. You can’t remember the last time you heard someone say anything like that to you, and you aren’t even sure that there _is_ a last time. It wasn’t something you felt you needed to hear before, but now that Ryuuhou’s said it, you don’t know how you ever went without.

Whenever it’s Ryuuhou, it makes sense. Whenever it’s Ryuuhou, you want it. Whenever it’s Ryuuhou, it’s amazing.

Somehow you make a coherent response to Ryuuhou’s comment, and the two of you part ways. You manage your wound without incident, just as you knew you would. It turns out the injury isn’t as bad as you originally thought, and the pain and dizziness fade quickly. You wonder if it really was Ryuuhou’s anxiety that made the wound seem so painful. You wonder if it’s human to feel that way when your loved one sees you hurt. But you already know how human you’ve become, so the answer to both questions comes rather quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breaking news: Trip is a little shit, Virus and Ryuuhou are sappy fucks. No one is surprised
> 
> I have some good news, that news being that I'm FINALLY working on finishing this darn thing! It definitely looks like 11 or 12 chapters. I'm hoping for 11 because of the way the ending goes (wanna get it all out in one swoop, ya dig?) but that'll depend on how wordy I get (and I am very good at getting wordy).
> 
> In the meantime, more kudos and comments and all that fun stuff would be greatly appreciated! I noticed that this fic just got its 100th hit, which doesn't seem like much (especially since my other fics have 300+ hits) but I'm surprised that many people got sucked into-or at least intrigued-by this story ;w; I hope y'all continue to wait in baited breath for the next chapter, and I'll see you Monday! :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virus and Ryuuhou reach new levels of intimacy, and Virus becomes ever more certain of his newfound humanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're probably already confused because they did the do a couple chapters ago but TRUST ME there is another thing -w- Remember that Virus is still a sappy fuck and generally just like "to human??? or not to human?????? that is the question"
> 
> So not much else to say here. Happy reading! :D

The first time Ryuuhou suggests tattooing you comes as a surprise. After all the fuss he’d made about seeing you injured, you don’t expect him to want to do something to you that could cause you even more pain. You know a lot about Ryuuhou’s rationale behind tattooing, how much joy he gets from the pain of it, and you can’t help but see how at odds that animal desire is with the caring and loving attitude he has towards you.

But perhaps it’s inevitable that he’d breech the suggestion eventually. Ryuuhou is not a normal person. Neither are you, as human as he makes you feel. Two barely-human people cannot make a whole human, not even if they combine the best of their humanity. You never mistook Ryuuhou for something other than human, but the fact remains that he is still lacking in humanity. Again, so are you. And that, you consider, just might be the reason you two fell for each other in the first place. Two twisted half-humans just shy of making a whole one.

Nevertheless, you don’t think Ryuuhou’s desire to tattoo you comes from any bad intention. After all, what more intimate action could there possibly be than tattooing or being tattooed by the person you love? To have a part of the other person on your body forever…sappy, yes, but appealing to think about. You’ve seen Ryuuhou’s designs; he’s shown you them himself. They’re all beautiful. Not to mention, as you’ve pointed out to Ryuuhou, you can handle pain. Ryuuhou’s also incredibly persistent, and has quite a few good ideas for a tattoo. When he suggests a snake design for your back is when you finally decide to go ahead and let him tattoo you.

His tattoo parlor is sleek, modern, clean, not unlike everything else in Platinum Jail. But the deep blues and the subtle dragon motifs of the décor speak to the place being distinctly Ryuuhou’s. He shows you the sketch he’s drawn up: A deep navy blue snake, similar in appearance to Hersha, slithering up the left side of your back and across your shoulders, its head resting on your right shoulder blade, tongue flicking out, eyes bright and cunning. It’s simple, and easily hidden by any shirt, but that only makes it even more appealing. It’s perfect, and you tell Ryuuhou so. His eyes light up, and he seems unable to help the kiss he gives you in response to your comment.

As you lay on your stomach, shirt off, waiting for Ryuuhou to finish setting up, you think you know some of what to expect. You know it’ll hurt; it would hurt even if it wasn’t Tebori, if it wasn’t Ryuuhou. But you don’t expect it to be anything you can’t handle. You suppose you end up correct in that assumption. After all, you don’t scream, or cry, or have to stop him halfway through. But perhaps you do underestimate exactly how much it will hurt. Tebori, in hindsight, is probably not the best method to use for one’s first tattoo.

Because it does hurt. Very much so. It’s pain unlike anything you’ve ever felt. You’ve felt severe pain before, you’ve broken bones, you’ve been grazed by bullets. But those pains were never constant, they were one huge burst that quickly ebbed into a manageable, even ignorable ache. But the tattooing does not ebb. It is one huge burst, over and over, unceasing. At the back of your mind, you wonder if your humanness has made you able to hurt more, like it might have done with your head injury a while ago. But you can’t wonder about much of anything with the stabbing pain of the Tebori needle cutting through your back and your mind. Several times you can’t help the pained hiss that rises from your throat. Every time, it reminds you of Ryuuhou’s long-ago comment of how his tattoos bring out the true self. Maybe you are a snake, or at least snakelike. Perhaps your mind is delirious from the pain when it decides that you are not fully human because you are partly a snake, and that Ryuuhou might be partly dragon, or maybe partly fox. But you don’t trust the thought any longer than you can hold it, which is only for a moment before the Tebori needle clears your mind again.

The tattoo doesn’t take much more than an hour to complete to its simplicity, but even so, you’re glad to be done with it. Ryuuhou allows you a minute to get your bearings back before he has you get up, which you’re very grateful for.

“It hurt a lot, didn’t it?” He asks, more of a statement than a question. But it doesn’t sound gloating.

“Yes,” you say, a little embarrassed at how breathy and winded your voice sounds. You feel Ryuuhou’s hand on your arm, and you look up to see a tight expression on his face, not unlike the one he made when he saw your head injury.

“It’s a little impossible for it to not hurt, but…” Ryuuhou begins, unsure of his words, “But I tried to be gentle. I didn’t want to hurt you too much.”

Your heart’s in your stomach again. This person who takes such sadistic pleasure in causing pain, this person who thrives on his client’s screams, this person whose prized work of art is a murderous, tormented beast, didn’t want to hurt you. Ryuuhou, a person who’s not a normal human, loves you too much to want to hurt you. That’s when it occurs to you that perhaps for every single time you think something is right, that something makes sense, that something is amazing because it’s Ryuuhou, he feels the same way about you. He doesn’t want to hurt you because you’re Virus. Maybe you are each other’s only exception.

Maybe he isn’t part-dragon after all, or even part-fox. And maybe you aren’t part-snake. Now that your mind is clearer with the Tebori needle gone, you begin to think that you’ve only let your thoughts go wild and contradictory again. They’ve done that when you had first gotten to know Ryuuhou, and they’re doing it now. Maybe that’s just a byproduct of being the strange human that you are. And you are a human, and so is Ryuuhou, even if you aren’t normal ones.

Soon you’re able to get up, and Ryuuhou helps you view your tattoo with the help of a three-way floor mirror. It’s even better on you than it was in Ryuuhou’s sketchbook, even if the design looks identical to the one Ryuuhou showed you. The darkness of the snake’s scales stands out beautifully against your pale skin, and the placement of the snake up your back and across your shoulders is set just right. Once again, it’s perfect. Ryuuhou seems more smug about it than he did when you complimented his work earlier, but more so he’s incredibly happy that _you’re_ so happy with it (so he shares emotions with you, too. You’re both so in love. You’re both so human). He kisses you again, but puts his arms around you this time, and the way his fingers trail over the sensitive skin of your back makes you shiver.

But even as one part of you deep down wants this to escalate, you find that the rest of you doesn’t. You’re content with being like this, holding onto Ryuuhou, being held by him, kissing him, being kissed. It’s so loving, it’s so intimate, something you’ve never felt nor had the inclination to feel. But of course you love this, want this now. It’s Ryuuhou. Everything is perfect when it’s Ryuuhou. Everything is amazing when it’s Ryuuhou. You’re still not used to it, and you’re not sure you ever will be. But you’re more than okay with it. Of course you’re okay. It’s Ryuuhou. You love Ryuuhou.

You stay with Ryuuhou for the rest of the day and that night, and as close as you two get, your touches don’t evolve into sex. Perhaps Ryuuhou feels the same way about it that you do, or he doesn’t but can sense your feelings and wants to respect them. You’re not sure which explanation you like more. Either way, the two of you end the night snuggled in Ryuuhou’s bed, his back pressed against your chest, and your arms wrapped around him. At one point you try to get up for a quick glass of water, but Ryuuhou stirs in response to your movement and murmurs a little in his sleep, making soft, unhappy sounds. You swear you feel your heart clench, as cute as the noises are. You forgo the thought of water and snuggle back around him, holding him tight. He quiets almost immediately, easily shifting back into your hold with a happy sigh. You remember how cute he acted the morning after you first had sex and how it was partly a ploy for more, and you wonder if Ryuuhou is really as asleep as he appears. But you decide it doesn’t matter. Ryuuhou is cute without trying, and even if it was fake, it was to keep you from leaving.

For you, that’s more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone give it up for caring + sleepy Ryuuhou ;w; Also I went on Google twice and I couldn't find any pics that even remotely resembled the tattoo I have in my head for Virus. All the ones I found were more expansive, more detailed, and in the wrong spot. I might draw it at some point tho ;w;
> 
> On a somewhat(?) related note, one of you (onlyslash) found me on Tumblr last update and it occurred to me that some of you might want to find me there? I put my tumblr in my bio but I never said it here so idk if most of you know? Anyway my url is god-fucking-dammit-trip.tumblr.com and drop me an ask if you wanna learn about why I did what I did with any aspect of this fic, or send me RyuuVi headcanons, or any other DMMD-related tomfoolery. If I do draw Virus with the tattoo I'll post it there, same for if I make any other fanart related to this fic ^w^ Soooo ifanyonewantedtodoathingthentheycouldputitontumblrsoicouldseeit ahem what >.>
> 
> I suspect this'll be over in a week from either Thursday or next Monday, we'll see. Either way we're about to get into the final stretch! Hope y'all stick around to see the end! See you Thursday :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toue’s plan goes into full swing, and Virus realizes how surprisingly inhuman Ryuuhou can be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, I finally finished getting this written down! So after this we only have two more chapters. Think of this one as the calm before the storm ewe
> 
> Anywho, happy reading y'all! :D

Time passes, and Toue’s plan comes even closer to fruition. You and Trip find a particularly perfect group to integrate into Morphine: Dry Juice. You both had skipped over Benishigure, doubting very much that you’d get anywhere with hot-headed Koujaku (he’s never seemed to trust the two of you, anyhow). But Mizuki turns out to be almost too receptive to the promises offered by Morphine. Of course, he tries to stop you when he realizes what’s really going on, but by then it’s far too late. By then, you and Trip’s work and Ryuuhou’s work had begun to intersect.

The first time you see Ryuuhou in his element, see him tattooing someone to bring out their true self and cause pain, see him wild and sadistic instead of gentle and tender with his Tebori needle, is when he tattoos the Morphine tag on Mizuki’s neck.

Much like his tattooing of you, perhaps it’s inevitable that you’d see him tattoo someone else. You recall that Toue had mentioned, when he first introduced the two of you, that you’d be working with Ryuuhou at some point. So it’s unsurprising that you end up witnessing him using the mind-control ink he helped develop. And it’s not as if the scene unnerves you, not really. It’s not an unfamiliar sight to you, the sight of a man-sometimes a woman-strapped down, screaming, swearing, begging for mercy, until the pain of being tattooed causes them to lose consciousness (Mizuki is a screamer, and a swearer, you find out. He also cries and apologizes over and over, seemingly to no one). But you’d never seen it done with Ryuuhou’s own hand. Naturally there’s multiple skilled tattoo artists working with Toue, the job would take too long for one person to do alone, no matter how skilled they might be. But those artists are incomparable to Ryuuhou.

You’d gotten an inkling of Ryuuhou’s deep evil in that rainy day in the cake shop so long ago, but you don’t think it quite prepared you for the real thing. You don’t think it prepared you for the manic look in his eyes when the needle first goes in. You don’t think it prepared you for his deceptively-smooth laughter in the face of Mizuki’s screams. You don’t think it prepared you for the harsh, heavy, yet deathly precise way he moves his Tebori needle over Mizuki’s neck. You’ve always thought that Ryuuhou is amazing, and even now, you’re amazed. You’re amazed that the man who lightly headbutted your shoulder in a sleepy haze, the man who blushed when Trip pointed out your relationship, the man who stirred and whimpered in his sleep when you tried to leave him, is the same man who now mercilessly moves his needle across Mizuki’s neck, drawing blood with every stroke.

This new vision of Ryuuhou startles you, sure; it would be a lie to say that it didn’t. But it doesn’t scare you. It’s new and it’s different, but that persistent thought remains: If it’s Ryuuhou, it’s okay. Besides, it’s not as if you aren’t similar. You not only play the roles of perfect gentleman and loving boyfriend very well, you enjoy them and mean them, too. But at the same time, you are something sicker. You can wrap a person around your finger with promises of success, turn them over to a fate worse than death, and coldly beat them back if they try to escape. You want Sei, you want Aoba, but you want to break them; break Sei even more than he’s already broken, break Aoba from scratch, love them to death. If pain really does bring out the true self, as Ryuuhou said to you a long time ago, then the notion of you being part-snake may yet have some truth to it. Because as human as you may be, as human as Ryuuhou has made you, you are still you. You are still sick. And so is Ryuuhou.

Two part-humans cannot make a whole human. You’ve felt so human being with Ryuuhou, but seeing him tattoo Mizuki truly reminds you of how abnormal you both are. And it’s jarring, to say the least. Ryuuhou doesn’t seem to sense it, though.

“Toue’s plan is almost complete, isn’t it?” He asks you casually as he washes up once Mizuki’s tattoo is finished. Mizuki, for his part, passed out from the pain a while ago, and has yet to awaken. For now he’s still in restraints, but he’ll be released once he awakens.

“I believe so.” You answer Ryuuhou. “I suppose we’ll see how it goes. No matter what happens I’m sure it’ll be interesting.” There’s that word, that word you’d almost forgot the significance of. It still has meaning to you, but not quite as much as it used to before you and Ryuuhou became a couple. But you aren’t lying. Whatever comes of Toue’s plan will most certainly be interesting. Especially since it involves Aoba. Anything involving Aoba will be interesting.

“Hm,” Ryuuhou hums in acknowledgement, “I agree. But I have to admit there’s something specific that I’m hoping for.”

“What’s that?” You ask him, although you have the slightest feeling that you already know.

“I know how much of this plan hinges on Aoba’s appearance,” Ryuuhou begins. He grins that familiar grin, dark and foxlike. “And I can’t help but hope that Koujaku might follow him to his fate.”

“You want to see him again after all these years?” You ask him. The situation feels so familiar to that day in the cake shop, where you pressed him with questions to uncover his darker side. But now you only want to talk to him and learn what he wants for its own sake.

“Of course!” Ryuuhou laughs, a little too dramatically. He’s still on his manic tattooing high, then, you decide. “I’d love to see what kind of a monster he’s become. He puts up such a good front, it’s almost easy to forget what he’s hiding. Come to think of it,” he goes on thoughtfully, “He’s probably been trying to forget his true self ever since I brought it forth.” He grins again. “I’d love to get the opportunity to remind him of what he truly is.” He suddenly looks at you, expectantly. “Surely you must be hoping for something too, aren’t you, Virus?”

“Well, I suppose you could say that.” You reply honestly. “But all I want from this is Aoba’s appearance, and he’s the one definite of Toue’s plan.”

“So easy to please,” Ryuuhou purrs. The sudden change in tone surprises you. “You know, there was so much I wanted to do when I was tattooing you, so I’m very glad I was able to do it to Mizuki, instead.” Having finished cleaning up, Ryuuhou moves towards you. You wonder where this is going, but part of you already knows.

“Is there anything else you have a mind to do?” You ask him, unable to keep the grin off your face. Ryuuhou’s expression must be contagious.

“Ah, it’d be too easy to just tell you, wouldn’t it?” He murmurs slyly as he approaches you. “I’ve already told you quite a bit, haven’t I?”

“I suppose so,” You say, privately surprised that he’s made the same observation you have both so long ago and now. But you let that feeling slide in favor of more teasing. “Why don’t you show me, then?” You ask him.

You know how much Ryuuhou likes dragons, but he’s never been much of a dragon to you. Always a fox. The face he makes now is as foxlike as you’ve ever seen him, eyes bright, lips curled in a smile that could almost be a snarl. He doesn’t bother replying to your question, instead preferring to capture your lips in his.

You and Ryuuhou make out plenty of times, but it never feels like this. Which isn’t to say the two of you are never rough, biting, lust-driven when you kiss, but there’s something new this time. Something positively dark and crazed about the way you’re kissing each other now. It’s definitely a byproduct of his tattooing buzz, you think as he bites on your lip before sucking it into his mouth, as though apologizing for hurting it (although the smile you feel on his lips leads you to believe that he’s not sorry at all). As your arms wrap around him, scratching down his back and hoping he can feel it under his kimono, you wonder if this was what the strange amazement you felt upon witnessing Ryuuhou tattooing Mizuki was leading to. It makes too much sense. Needles, penetration, pain that ends up in something beautiful. You almost laugh at the idea, but content yourself with smiling against Ryuuhou’s already-smiling lips as your mouths meld together.

Maybe Ryuuhou’s attitude is contagious as well as his smile. You feel wild like this, more inhuman than Ryuuhou has ever made you feel before. The control that used to be so important to you way back when is gone. And you love it. You love being crazy and manic, you love being bestial and feral, you love being inhuman, you love being all of it if it’s with Ryuuhou. Of _course_ you do. It’s almost silly how okay you can be with something if it has to do with him. You almost laugh-again. Ryuuhou truly is making you insane. You truly do love him. He has all sides of you, your calmer persona, your loving one, your darker one, and your wild one wrapped around his finger. No-twisted around his finger. You are twisted. He is twisted. You are also caring, domestic, intimate, and so is he. The two of you together, so multilayered-is this what being human truly is? Recognizing your various personas as different parts of you instead of your own fabrications and lies? Being able to explore and go between each part effortlessly, without embarrassment or fear?

You can’t answer any of these questions, partly because of how heated the kisses between you and Ryuuhou are becoming, and partly because you hear a moan that you know isn’t coming from either of you. With some effort, you pull away from Ryuuhou.

“I think Mizuki’s waking up.” You tell him. Ryuuhou downright pouts at you.

“Ohhh, can’t we just go into another room?” Ryuuhou complains, refusing to let go of you. You think he’s come down from tattooing Mizuki and is now more or less his normal self, judging by his childishness.

“No, I have to tell Mizuki what his job is here and what he has to do.” You answer.

“What about after that~?” He murmurs, clearly trying to trick his way into your pants. Again.

“Maybe.” You reply firmly, trying to pretend that it isn’t a thinly-veiled “yes.” Who could blame you? Ryuuhou’s good at this.

He grins playfully yet devilishly at you, and walks off to untie Mizuki, whose briefing you may have rushed in order to finish what you started with Ryuuhou sooner. May have.

~~~

Not much longer after that, things swing into motion. Mizuki and the rest of Dry Juice are freed from Morphine’s control courtesy of Aoba’s scrap, but it’s no skin off your back (especially since, according to reports, Aoba’s power pretty much fries what’s left of Mizuki’s battered brain. Ryuuhou’s not the only one who can appreciate pain). You’re the one who warns Aoba of the police and urges him to leave soon after, which is partly your job to do and partly common sense. Aoba can’t get to Platinum Jail if he gets caught by the police, and you don’t want to be the one to reason with the loud, always-angry police chief. Later that day, you hear word that Aoba has made it into Platinum Jail-and that he’s not alone. You don’t hear enough information to know who his companion might be, but regardless, you do know one thing:

This is going to be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Which route did Aoba choose? I think you already know


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the fall of Oval Tower and the collapse of Toue Inc., Virus and Trip venture into the rubble to see if Sei is still alive. But Virus ends up finding more than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is up a bit later in the day than I usually update! I had sort of busy morning but it might also have been my subconscious not wanting to post this because
> 
> Aw hell just read it I can't even preface it properly asdfghjkl

The last time you see Ryuuhou is the morning after Oval Tower is destroyed.

You don’t expect to see him there at all when you go in. It’s not as if he’d had any reason to be there. But you and Trip do. You’re both on a personal mission of sorts to see if you can recover Sei. Neither of you expect him to still be alive, however. The breaking news report had video coverage of the damage to the building, and the damage is extensive. Not only that, but the report claimed that the destruction had come from within the building’s networks, destroying Oval Tower from the inside. As physically weak as Sei is, you know better than to underestimate the power of his consciousness. You do wonder for a moment what compelled him to do so now, after he’d already been so broken down by Toue. But only for a moment, because the answer comes quickly: Aoba must have come to him. Whether Aoba and Sei met you can only guess at, but you’re fairly certain that Aoba and whoever his companion had been had made it into Oval Tower to deal with Toue themselves. As to whether or not they succeeded at that also appears to be a mystery. Toue was not found in or around the building, not by the public media nor by closer contacts. It doesn’t much matter to you if he’s dead or alive, anyway, now that the fun of Morphine is over.

You think about all this as you and Trip walk into Oval Tower. As damaged as it is, there’s no danger of further collapse, and getting in is no trouble. One guard is easily persuaded, one guard is easily beaten down. Despite how different the building has become, you and Trip have been inside enough times to know how to get to Sei’s room with your eyes closed, even if the piles of rubble and holes in the floor make navigation a bit more inconvenient than it was before. Before long, you and Trip reach was used to be Sei’s room.

It seems even worse off than the rest of the building, if it’s possible. You decide that you were right about Sei causing the breakdown. The man himself is unsurprisingly dead, body crushed beneath a pile of concrete and metal rubble. The blood around him has been dry for hours, and flies buzz around what’s visible of Sei’s flesh and broken bones. The only thing still in one piece appears to be his hat, which, albeit being torn in two places, squashed nearly flat, and covered in dust, could still be restored to wearable condition by someone with the skill and inclination. But you have neither of those things in regard for the beat-up hat. You barely feel any grief for Sei. The feeling is perhaps comparable to a teenager whose favorite childhood toy is broken: Sad but fleeting, knowing that the toy was so old and so used it was going to happen anyway. Sei is not the only source of fun in your life, and he is certainly not the best one.

Your back itches, suddenly, just below your right shoulder. You scratch it quickly, and it goes away. Trip, who’s facing away from you, doesn’t notice. There’s a few more moments of silence before Trip breaks it.

“He’s dead.” He observes.

“Clearly.” You reply dryly.

“Now what?” Trip asks, turning his head to look at you. His expression is mostly stoic, but his eyes betray curiosity.

You could be sarcastic and answer that you’re going to leave Oval Tower to go home, but to tell the truth, you’re rather curious about the answer to that question yourself. Trip doesn’t have anything left for him here, now that Sei is gone and Toue Inc. has fallen apart. But you still do. You have Ryuuhou (your back itches again, but you ignore it since Trip is looking at you). You and Trip have been together for such a long time that your needs and wants have become matched to his. In the beginning you recall times where you had to compromise on bigger decisions, but for years there’s never been any discrepancy in you and Trip’s desires. And you know perfectly well why that is. You weren’t human before. Trip isn’t human and has never been human. You used to think the same way, think like whatever non-human creature you were. But you’ve become human. Ryuuhou has made you human. And while you aren’t completely different from Trip, you’re not as similar to him as you had been.

Trip probably wants to move on, leave Midorijima, maybe even leave Japan. But you can’t leave Ryuuhou. You can’t bring him along either, he has his own life with his tattooing business and you have your own life with Trip. There might not even be a clear-cut solution for this. You aren’t used to that. Trip isn’t either. Neither of you are used to anything you can’t talk or reason or bribe or punch your way out of. This problem seems to call for something different. You don’t have an answer for Trip, and he seems to know before you tell him so.

As you and Trip leave Sei’s room, Trip suggests doing some more exploring. “There might be something interesting left behind,” is what he says. You doubt there’s anything left worth noting, especially since the most interesting things of this place-Sei and Toue-are long gone. But you decide there’s no point in not looking around, since you and Trip don’t have much better to do. Your back itches when you agree. What’s going on with it? You wonder if it’s your tattoo, but you haven’t had any problems with it since you got it.

You and Trip split up, now that there’s no clear objective to keep you on the same path. You search several rooms and find nothing of note, or you find things that might have proven interesting (like a folder that you think has your name on one of its pages), but were destroyed or damaged too badly to be used. After a while you come to a big room, one without old experiments or file cabinets. It’s one of the more ornate rooms, and the floor is so near covered in broken chunks of concrete that you can’t see the floor. You’re about to pass it, thinking that it’s not worth the trouble of stepping through all the detritus, when your back itches yet again. When you scratch it, you move your head in such a way that your view of the room changes slightly, just enough to see something in the rubble. Something dark blue.

Once the itch in your back is gone, you walk into the room. Carefully, keeping away from sharper bits in the debris. Your shoes aren’t exactly made for rough terrain. Yet between the intermittent itching in your back and that flash of blue you thought you saw, you don’t think you can leave. Your mind is already creating and thinking through possibilities, like you’re reading a book but flipping through unread pages, catching a word or two and putting the ending together. In that way, it’s as if you already know what you’re going to find. Perhaps that’s why you don’t feel much, not at first.

Somehow there’s not as much rubble around what you find, so you can see it much clearer now that you’re up close. You know that shade of blue. You know it so well. You know the black-gloved hand you can see between the concrete pieces. You know the crushed skulls littering the wrists like halos, and you never could tell whether or not they’re real and you still can’t now. You know that dust-brown and now-dusty hair. You know those still-open dark blue eyes, as dull and clouded as they are now. You know everything here. You know this crime scene. You know this body. You try not to let yourself think the name, like a person trying to consciously forget. But that never works. You know it never does. So of course you think the name.

You still have questions, but you answer them as quickly as you come up with them, all in one fell swoop. You’re no medical examiner, but you don’t think the falling building was what killed him. There’s a large bloody spot on his back, and the center of it has a short rip, exposing deep red flesh. You’ve been in enough fights to recognize a stab wound when you see one. You can tell from the wound that whatever was used went through his front, and the mark on his back is the exit wound of the blade that was used. The blade would have had to be long to go all the way through a person. Like a sword. Who has a sword? Who would Ryuuhou come here for? Who had been Aoba’s companion here? It becomes clear. It’s all too clear. Your back itches again. Did Ryuuhou do something to your tattoo? Maybe he did. Or maybe it’s just you. There’s a smile on his face, his eyes are wide and manic, even in death. Did he want this? Did he plan this? You were wrong after all. You can’t answer every question you have.

But you don’t cry. You aren’t upset. Not yet, anyway, you suspect. You feel like you’re in the eye of the storm. You don’t feel the way you feel about Sei’s death. You don’t feel indifferent. You feel numb. You know you’ll feel something soon. Ryuuhou always makes you feel things. You used to think he could only make you feel happy, exhilarated, amazed, or at the worst confused and frustrated. But of course not. Humans feel everything. Humans can’t pick and choose. Humans aren’t immune. You’re human. You know, objectively, how it’s going to feel. You’re flipping ahead in your book again. But this is a longer book. You won’t crash, not right now.

But still, you feel some compulsion. The same compulsion that led you to find Ryuuhou in those long-ago dreams, the same compulsion that lead you to kiss him after you confessed to each other. A compulsion to find something, to take something with you. The skulls are all broken, they’re no good. You could take Ryuuhou’s glove, but you somehow balk at the thought of touching him, although the dead have never unnerved you before. Regardless, you still need something to take from this. From him. Then you see the pendant, that turquoise crest he had around his neck along with the skulls. It’s near Ryuuhou’s head, covered with dirt and a little blood, but otherwise appears unscathed. You aren’t scared of blood. Not even now. Or maybe you’re still just numb. Or blood is different from a body. You can’t tell. You don’t know anything. Maybe you never did.

You pick up the crest. You turn it over in your hands, looking for scratches or marks, but there’s nothing. Somehow, it’s near-perfect still. Your back-or your tattoo?-itches. You don’t scratch it. You look at Ryuuhou. You feel like you ought to say something, even if he can’t hear it. But there’s nothing to say. There’s nothing you can say.

So when Trip’s eyes widen in recognition at the pendant when you meet up with him leave, you are glad that he says nothing as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;w;


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virus is finally hit by the full gravity of his tragic situation, and decides where he must go from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! This is the bit that I'd wanted to write since I first thought up this fic, so hopefully it's accpetable considering what I've already put y'all through ewe It's also the longest chapter of them all which is good too especially since I'm posting this chapter sO MUCH LATER THAN USUAL OMG like idk what time zones y'all are in but it might already be Friday fro some of you so sorry ;n;
> 
> But hey, the chapter's here now! So enjoy it! Or not :p

When you first get back home from Oval Tower, you don’t do much. You still don’t crash, but you don’t do anything else, either (that’s not entirely true, however, for you did wash off the crest from Ryuuhou’s neck that you brought back with you). Trip leaves soon after you both get back, but you don’t care enough to wonder where he’s gone. You sit on the couch in the living room and turn on the TV, but you can’t focus.

Hersha notices your listlessness, and seems, if not concerned, then curious at what ails you. You feel him slither onto your lap, and absently rest your hand on his back. On a normal day you’d run your hand along his scales, but now you can’t muster up the effort. He notices, definitely, but his speech generator is never on, so the most he can do is stare at you. He looks at you like he expects you to say you’re fine and that he knows better, but you don’t say anything. You still can’t say anything. The only thing you can do is hold onto Ryuuhou’s pendant with the hand not on Hersha’s back. When Hersha realizes you aren’t talking, he appears to try his own investigation in the form of examining the pendant. He looks at it, his tongue flicking in and out. You wonder if the scent of blood is still there. You wonder if he recognizes the scent and puts it together with the scent that covers your body when you come home from spending time with Ryuuhou. Knowing how smart he is, he probably does. He still can’t talk, so he just looks at you, distinctly concerned this time. Your back burns.

Eventually, you do get up. You turn off the TV, having barely registered a single word of the program on. It’s evening then, the sun is setting. By the time Trip returns, night is about to fall, and you’re on your third glass of wine.

It’s not uncommon for you to drink at night. You love wine, and you’ve built up such an alcohol tolerance that those three drinks hardly affect you. Trip isn’t concerned, but Hersha is, perhaps because he knows this isn’t like most nights. Most nights you don’t have any real reason to drink beyond a desire for the taste of the wine. Most nights you don’t have anything you need to forget. Most nights you haven’t just lost the person you love.

The person you love.

You drink more. You finish a bottle. Trip notices but says nothing. He has to know what’s going on. You forgo the glass and drink from the bottle this time, with the other hand still holding onto that pendant. You’re still quiet, but you’re getting drunk. You rarely get drunk. You’ve never had the desire to drink enough to get to that point. You would have stopped drinking by now if Ryuuhou wasn’t dead.

Ryuuhou is dead.

You’re crashing.

The alcohol was supposed to make you forget. It was supposed to make you numb again. But it’s doing the opposite. It’s making you feel. It’s making you remember. You’re remembering everything. You’re remembering the day you first met him, when you saw right away how interesting he is-no, was. You’re remembering the first dream, that dream that gave you the first of several crises of confidence about Ryuuhou. You remember the day you saw him in Platinum Jail, how he used his parasol to shelter you from the rain, how you went into the cake shop and you finally understood him. You remember seeing him so often, all the times he “accidentally” ran into you. You remember him asking for your coil number, how he kissed your hand. You remember the second dream that made you realized you returned the feelings. You remember talking to him, how you told each other how you felt, how you kissed him before you parted ways. You remember him showing you his house, how you kissed him, how he led you by the hand into his bedroom, how you made love for the first time, but not the last. You remember him hugging you from behind the next morning, how he convinced you to stay with him for a little longer. You remember the day he saw you after a fight, how he touched your face, how looked at you with such concern. You remember when he tattooed you, how it hurt so bad it made you think you weren’t human after all, how you realized you were both so human when he expressed guilt for causing you pain, how you spent the night next to each other, how he muttered in his sleep when you tried to get up. You remember watching him tattoo Mizuki, how manic and wild he was compared to how gentle he’s been with you, how his feralty extended into his intimacy with you, how you realized that maybe you weren’t a completely normal human and neither is, or was, Ryuuhou but how that’s good enough for you. You remember this morning (was it really such a short time ago?), you remember finding Sei’s body and feeling nothing, you remember finding Ryuuhou’s body and feeling a precursor to pain disguised as nothing, you remember putting together his cause of death, you remember taking his pendant and taking it home with you. It’s still in your hand. Your knuckles are white. The wine bottle is half-empty. You’re shaking. You think you’re breathing a little too hard. Trip has certainly taken notice now.

You’re crashing. You’re definitely crashing.

You’re upset now. You might be angry. You’re definitely angry. How did it come to this? How have you let a simple interest explode into love, into emotion, into humanity? How have you let him get inside your head, how had you let him catch you off guard? How have you lost control? Why have you lost control? What is, what was it about him that makes you feel the way you do? What makes him so appealing? And why had he let himself die? Why had he followed Koujaku and Aoba? Hadn’t he known how angry Koujaku would be? Hadn’t he known how strong, how violent Koujaku is? Of course he had. He had to have known. He made Koujaku that way. You ask yourself again, did he plan that, did he plan for his own death? Did he plan to die and leave you behind?

_Pain brings out the true self._

No. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t have. He must not have been thinking of you. But the worst kind of pain isn’t physical. He must have known that, too. Tattooing isn’t the only way to bring out the true self. Your tattoo didn’t bring out your true self. It still burns. Your head burns too, from alcohol, from memories, from unanswered questions.

_There is so much beauty in the true self._

No. He lied. He lied. There is nothing beautiful about this. There is nothing beautiful about the memories, not right now, maybe not ever again. There is nothing beautiful about his number on your coil, it’s useless to you now. There is nothing beautiful about the tattoo he gave you, it still burns. There is nothing beautiful about the pendant in your hand, it doesn’t belong there. There was nothing beautiful about his dead body, it’s broken and cold. There is nothing beautiful about your crash.

There is nothing beautiful about being human.

You next moments are a blur. Your comprehension lags, partly from alcohol and partly from breaking down, and you don’t register things until after they happen. You don’t realize you’ve thrown the half-empty bottle of wine at the wall until you hear it shatter. You’ve never broken anything like that before. You don’t realize you’re screaming aloud at your memories until a hiccup stutters you for a brief second. You can’t remember the last time you raised your voice. You don’t realize you’re crying until you taste salt in your mouth. You haven’t cried since you were a child. You don’t realize Trip has told you to calm down until you hear him get out of his chair. His voice is startled, near scared, you’ve never heard him sound like that before. You don’t realize you’re looking for more things to break until Trip grabs your arms to restrain you. You truly are not yourself. Yet somehow you are still human, or else you wouldn’t be doing these things.

You continue to cry, to scream. You don’t have any control over it. You don’t have any control at all. You yell at Trip, demand through your tears that he let you go, use what little arm mobility you have to beat on his chest. It doesn’t work, of course. Trip is built like a brick wall and you’re drunk. You’re more than drunk, you’re crashing. You’re a car that hit a turn wrong and started flipping, and you haven’t stopped flipping yet. You aren’t sure if you ever will.

Somehow, perhaps thanks to the wine, the memories, and your endless struggling and crying, you eventually slip into sleep.

~~~

You realize you’re dreaming the instant you can see and move again, because you have that same need to find Ryuuhou that those other two dreams gave you. You’re numb, however, instead of anxious and expectant like you were in the other dreams. Your crash exists only at the back of your mind, and you can’t focus on it very well in your groggy dream state. You stop trying to focus on it all together as you search through that same foggy forest. But it’s brighter than it was before, as if it’s a cloudy day instead of a dark night.

You find Ryuuhou easily. He’s turned away when you first come across him, but he quickly turns at the sound of your approach. He looks the same as he always has, except for the sad expression on his face. You remember his tight-lipped concern at the sight of your head injury from a while ago, but this is different. His mouth is more nervous, his eyes are despairing. He looks down, and you suddenly notice that the crest normally around his neck isn’t there anymore. He stares up at you again, hopeless. He looks as if he’s about to cry.

You want so desperately to say something, for him to say something, but it seems neither of you can. You try to speak and can’t, and Ryuuhou already seems to know he can’t by the way he’s wringing his hands. But then again, what is there to say? What can you possibly say to him now? What can he possibly say to you? It’s just as well that neither of you can talk, because you’d probably say the wrong thing if you could. Perhaps it’s the same for Ryuuhou.

The brightness of the environment increases, as if the clouds in the imaginary sky have lifted, and the fog begins to clear. You can see him more clearly know. You can see the wound in his chest, a deep bloody hole left by Koujaku’s blade. You only saw the wound on his back when you were awake, and you wonder how similar this fabrication is to the real thing. Ryuuhou suddenly brings a hand to his mouth, and his eyes widen. Blood seeps from between his fingers. You don’t want to see this. You don’t want to watch him die, it was enough to see him dead. You haven’t had a nightmare in years, but this is quickly becoming one. You still cannot say anything.

Suddenly you feel something light touch the top of your head. You lift your hand and grab it, and you can tell from the feel of it that it’s a leaf. But when you remove it from your head to look at it, you’re surprised by the color: Blue, a bright sky blue that no plant you’ve ever seen has had. When you look up, you find that blue leaves are falling down all around you, like a tree above you is dying and releasing them. Ryuuhou sees them too, and the panic in his eyes fades. He takes his hand away from his mouth. Blood still drips out and runs down his chin. He looks at you, plaintive and pleading. He opens his mouth.

“Forget me.”

It’s all he says. You try to reply and you can’t physically, but you doubt you could say anything even if the dream wasn’t preventing you. You wonder what kind of face you’re making. Ryuuhou seems pained by it. Regardless, he turns away from you, and you see the same wound on his back that you saw before.

You wake up then, but it takes you several long moments to remember your dream, and even longer to remember its context. It’s like a shorter, more fleeting version of that period of numbness from the day before. You find yourself in bed, but you don’t remember going in your room. Trip must have put you here after you fell asleep. Remembering Trip leads to remembering how he was restraining you, which leads to remembering why you needed to be restrained, which leads to remembering the rest of your crash and its cause, bit by bit. Your head aches, from the wine you drank last night and from those memories. Maybe you were right last night. Maybe the memories will hurt you forever.

Speaking of hurt, even though your back doesn’t itch or burn anymore, you do still hurt. You hurt. You aren’t crashing anymore, the car has stopped flipping, but you still hurt. The car is upside down and you’re trapped in your seat, your seatbelt won’t unbuckle, no one’s around to get you help, and you hurt. You hurt. It hurts. The thought of Ryuuhou hurts. You hate this. You want the hurt to stop. You want it gone. How can you make that happen? What will it take? Time? A distraction? A change of scenery? But then it comes to you. You’ll need all three. You know how to get all three.

_Forget me._

You remember those odd blue leaves that appeared right as Ryuuhou began to bleed from his mouth. You remember how his face became, if not relieved, than less panicked. He knew what you needed to do, and he knew how you were going to do it.

Sei is dead. Aoba is not. No one who examined the building found a blue-haired man in the rubble, and neither did you or Trip. Aoba must still be around, and so must Koujaku be around as well. The desire to have Aoba and break him with whatever facsimile of love you feel for him has not faded, nor has it faded in Trip, you suspect. You and Trip couldn’t take Aoba before, not when Toue’s plans were so contingent on him. You might have taken Aoba anyway if Toue’s plan for Aoba was the same as the one he’d always had for Sei, to use Aoba’s power until he either wasted away or Toue no longer needed him. If Toue’s plan had worked like it was supposed to, you and Trip would have Aoba like you wanted. But now the plan has failed, and there is no Toue to stop you from getting what you want. Your mind is going a mile a minute as you slowly get out of bed, still in yesterday’s now-wrinkled clothes, and cross the room.

Koujaku took Ryuuhou, so it’s only fair that you take Aoba, isn’t it? An eye for an eye, as it were. Revenge isn’t your primary motivation, but it sure is a perk. The real reason would be for distraction, for something new, for something else interesting, things that you’re sure Trip can get behind. He won’t be hard to convince. You two may be partners, but you’ve never been equals. He can easily overpower you with strength, but you can overpower him with wits, with persuasion. He finds Aoba interesting too, and you’re both still his biggest fans. Aoba is strong, but he’s no match for two people. One, even, if it’s just Trip. But of course you’d go too. And once you have Aoba, you and Trip can leave Midorijima just like Trip wants to do. It’s a perfect plan. A perfect way to go on.

You spot Ryuuhou’s crest sitting on your bedside table. Trip must have put it there, understanding the value you’ve placed on it. You can’t help picking it up, looking it over, running your hands over it. It seems undamaged from your actions last night, which you’re glad for. Perhaps you should get rid of it, but you don’t want to do that just yet. Maybe later, you’ll be able to.

Because you’re going to follow Ryuuhou’s advice. You’re going to forget. Aoba will help you forget.

You’ll forget the meaning of the crest in your hands, you’ll forget where it came from. You’ll forget those mysterious dreams, just as you’ve forgotten dreams in the past. You’ll forget the sight of Ryuuhou’s dead body. You’ll forget his involvement in Toue’s project. You’ll forget the hand Ryuuhou placed on your cheek when you were injured. You’ll forget why there’s a tattoo on your back, you’ll forget who put it there. You’ll forget how you shared a quiet night together after he gave you the tattoo. You’ll forget how he looked the first time he had sex with you, you’ll forget how he convinced you to stay with him the next morning. You’ll forget what his house looks like. You’ll forget confessing to him, you’ll forget kissing him afterwards. You’ll forget how his kissed you on the hand after giving you his coil number, you’ll forget who that number belongs to. You’ll forget walking with him in the rain, you’ll forget dissecting his personality in the cake shop. You’ll forget ever meeting him. You’ll forget the thousand different ways he could smile. You’ll forget how much he enjoyed giving others pain, you’ll forget how much he hated seeing you in pain. You’ll forget how his skin felt to touch. You’ll forget how his mouth tasted. You’ll forget that there’s anything better than being interesting. You’ll forget how it felt to feel grief, you’ll forget how it felt to feel anxious. You’ll forget how it felt to feel joy, you’ll forget how it felt to be in love. Using Aoba as a distraction, you’ll forget anything and everything you ever experienced regarding Ryuuhou.

You’ll forget what it means to be human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahahahaha yeah ;w;
> 
> Idk how many of you have read my other works but for the most part they follow the same basic formula, not always in this order:
> 
> 1\. Hellsa introspection  
> 2\. Ridiculous fluff  
> 3\. ANGST  
> 4\. Something bad happens to Aoba  
> 5\. Happy ending! Kind of.
> 
> Come to think of it, this applies to most of my old Hetalia fics on FF.net (aside from the Aoba part) (also you will get the name of my FF account when hell freezes over :L )
> 
> I do have another thing I wrote a bit ago that I'll post sometime this weekend. I considered posting it earlier but I decided to wait so it could heal the sting of this chapter and the one before it -w- Will I write more RyuuVi ever? Maybe. Depends on if I get inspiration. If I ever earn how to write smut I might make a revamp of Chapter 6 ifyouknowhatimean ewe Will I ever write a RyuuVi good end? Ehhhhhh debatable. We'll see. It all depends on my inspiration.
> 
> But hey, don't forget you can still talk to me about this fic and RyuuVi in general on my Tumblr! My url is god-fucking-dammit-trip in case you forgot. Anything about this fic you could think to ask about, the characterization, the themes, the motifs, the symbolism, the writing style, and whatever else you can come up with are things I'd be happy to write a novel about I mean talk about :3c
> 
> So I hope you liked "What it Means to be Human" and keep reading my stuff in the future! Like I said I'll be posting a new fic this weekend, so see you then! :D


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